What if....? Final Fantasy 8
by Malice Shaw
Summary: One shot title series delving into the lives of the charactors of FF8. CHapter 8 is up! What if...? Irvine didn't remember the Orphanage? How does this conflict with the fact his memory holds nothing of his dear sweet matron Edea? Does he miss? or doesn't
1. What if...? Seifer never joined Garden?

WHAT IF.... Seifer never joined Garden?  
  
"Hurry up boy! Don't make a loser outta y'self!"  
I hate this job. The money's no good, the sun beating down on my shoulders, burning my skin to toast isn't exactly very much fun either. And every night I go home to my charming ten foot by ten foot room with my mother timidly stepping on eggshells, as if i'd have inherited my pop's temper, and collapse in my bed, sore as hell and praying for the weekend to ram it's way here as fast as it can just so I can have a moment to breath for Hyne's sake.   
  
It's not the best way to live, but hey, if I'm to live under my ol' man's roof for much longer, I have to help pay the bills some how. He got me this job, as a dock hand, told me the day I turned eighteen, instead of getting a birthday cake with fluffed frosting, I was told I'd either have to start forking over five hundred gil a month or be out on my ass. And since I couldn't exactly find a nice warm place with out the company of hot and cold running roaches in Deiling for less then twelve, you bet I'd be willing to stay, even with my timid mother and asshole father who still thinks it's alright to take the wicker stick to my ass, despite my age of eighteen.  
  
This town's nothing but commercial bullshit. Everybody coming from here and there to attempt to get rich quick in the gambling halls of doom I like to call 'em. Nothing will ever take away the memory of seeing some drunk hound who gambled away his family's grocery money in a damned hour, money that was supposed to be taken to the store and buy enough food to feed his wife and his two little twin girls for a whole week. His old lady found him, slumped over one of the change machines drooling out of the corner of his mouth, stinking to high heaven of expensive booze and cigarette smoke. Half heartedly I wanted her to slap his face into the machine, take her two hungry young girls and walk out of there. But instead, she stood there cryin' her heart out like a banshee for him to get his ass home and sober up. She'll probably sell herself on the streets to feed those poor kids. Or not. Too skinny and frail looking to be a hooker. Will probably end up begging in the streets for some spare change to buy her girls a hot dog to share in this over priced hell hole they call Deiling.  
  
Now don't get me wrong here, my life ain't all bad, and neither is this town. I was adopted by the Almasy family when I was six years old. Too young to remember, they claim, but I still do. I remember being in the back of the truck, with my parents in the front driving while my older brother holds me close, to make sure I don't fall off. They were real nice at first, trying to make me feel comfortable, and my brother, he was thirteen at the time, seven years older, started out to be my body guard since I was as scrawny as they come. I don't know what happened to my real parents, and fuck if I don't care. They at first told me they were dead, too bad, but from what I'm hearing I was dumped on my grandma when they where sent over seas and never decided to come back, so I was an unwanted kid. Not fully an orphan, cause they were still living, and I was sent to the orphanage the day my sick old grandmother died. I was five at the time, and I met some real funny kids while I was there..  
  
One of them was some blonde haired loudmouth boy, a little younger then me. He always babbled on and told the lady of the orphanage about any little plan we had, bawling and whining all the way. I never liked him much. Always used to call him names, like Chicken, and Wuss, and he'd start the water works like nothing else. I'd get sent to the corner, and tat only fueled me up to try and break him down even more once I got my face outta the wall. He was always swatting flies, like I called it. But actually, I liked him. Deep down I did. He was a firey kid, I give him that much, and if I tried, I bet we could have been pretty good on eachother's levels. But his refusal to even try and break it out with me screwed that up royally. I still wonder about Zell sometimes. But not as much as I used to.  
  
The other two, I can never think of a time those kids where playing seperately from one another. I know they couldn't say each other's names right, so they mae up nick names for one another, like Sefie, and Irvy. I always thought the girl was way too happy for her own good. Annoying little sprite that was in need of a fly swatter, she always used to edge on my nerves with her perpetual smiles and laughter. Sefie she was, and I could remember thinking that even with all her annoying qualities, she was so tiny but had so much strength in her thin arms it shocked me. She could lift and play like anyone else, and from what the Matron talked to us about, she was so small due to being born premature. Her mother died during childbirth, and her father gave her to the orphanage when the medical bills due to her bad health when she was a baby were so high he couldn't continue his crack binge. Which would be sad, but the girl doesn't remember it, I only remember hearing the Matron talk about it to her husband, that Cid dude. He was rarely around anyways. Irvy, on the other hand, his parents died in the sorceress war that was going on at the time. He was one of the only kids my age. Not much to say about him, except me sure liked playing cowboys and indians, with us being the redskins tied to the stake while he jumped around shakin' his ass while waving around a toy gun, and throwing marbles in the air, pretending they were victory bullets.  
  
I remember Sis clearly, even if some of my memories are clouded with age. She was so sweet and kind, it scared the hell outta me. Even when I drove her nuts, she always tried to be my older sister, caring for me and that crap. I could throw her into the sandy beach by the Orphanage as many times as I wanted and she'd still pick herself up, brush her skirts off and smile. I gave up after a while, and just ignored her. Eventually I let her become my 'older Sis' and even started calling her Sis after a long long while. Even started her too, like a Sis. Always helping the Matron, because she was the oldest out of us all, around three years my senior. I never knew about her past, how she came about to the orphanage, or her parents, because even when I asked, she refused to tell. She left after a few years, before I was adopted. The orphanage soon became a very lonely place.  
  
Two people stand out most in my mind. One of them was a cute little blonde girl who was always such a bossy nosey body. But I really, REALLY liked her. Never wanted to hurt her, and even tried to a few times and I still feel guilty about it. She had hair like gold, and eyes like an electric current. If you've ever seen a lightening bolt, the outline of energy, then you'd have the color of that young girl's eyes. She was around my age, maybe that's why I attuned to her so well. But every time I made another person's life miserable, she would get on my ass like an overbearig mother, and when Sis left, she tried to take her place, which I hated. So I started being mean as hell to her, I'd make her cry, poke fun at her love of Triple Triad (a card game I myself have actually come to like) and pull her hair down. She hated having her down and in her face, even if it did make her look like a young girl again. Beautiful hair, she had. Mine's a paleblonde, but her's? True gold. Quisty, I called her. Everyone called her that, because her name was complicated and hard to remember. I had a lisp back then, and it usually came out like Kwithy. But she knew when I wanted to talk. I used to think, that some way, some how, we'd meet again. But not anymore. She stopped paying attention to me as soon as he came..  
  
He, being Squall. I remember him, and my blood boils at the memory of the kid. He was smart but quiet. We were told his mother died and his father was gone, and he had no where else to go so here he was. He was a good kid, and Quisty took a shine to him, much like Sis did. He warmed up mostly to Sis, for reasons I don't know, and that just made Quisty jealous. I wanted her to be jealous of me, not that guy. I saw him as competition the day he came, but since then, I've mellowed out a lot. I was the big guy on campus before he showed up, and when he did, this, lone wolf like guy with the scared additude pretty much took the show. Sis practically fell all over herself to make him happy, and so did Quisty. Irvy, Sefie and Zell even humbled in his footsteps, and that just made my jealousies much much worse. Being as young as I was, I didn't understand the feeling sinsid, so I lashed out as much as I could, making everyone's stay horrible in my company. I'm still trying to decide if I regret it or not.   
  
I still wonder about those guys.. hey, I guess I'm wrong. I see those memories and still smile at them. I do remember those kids. I think of them as my childhood. Not much of one, but still a childhood. But the thought still crosses my mind about them. I've grown out of my lisp, and Sefie's probably grown out of her premature problems, irvy, hey I can just see him flashing an Exeter, a real nice gun. Zell's probably a boxer somewhere, maybe famous and rich because of it, and Quisty is probably a teacher somewhere. She was adopted soon after I was, that I know. Her papers where being signed the day I was taken away.  
  
Squall.. Squall. Like his namesake, the guy's a fleeting wind. I never even bothered to know much about him, even though I should have, so I have no idea where he might have ever ended up. Possibly from being a bum on the street to President of Esthar. The president now, Laguna Loire? Looks a lot like him. Could there be a connection...?  
  
Nah. No way. That would be even too rich for my blood.  
  
"Hey Almasy! Get your ass into gear kid! Time's off! You're girlfriend's waiting by the docks for ya too!"  
  
I nodded to the foreman, pulling the cap off my marker with my teeth to lable the last shipment that came in. Shoving the marker to my mouth, fatigue made me miss and I hit my chin, and cursed the ink as I capped it manually. Pulling a handkerchief from my back pocket, I rub at my chin, and feel the stubble growing there. Great, forgot to shave that morning. My girlfriend doesn't like it much. I know what she liked. She prefers clean shaven men, pale skin, blue eyes, and dark hair, like hers. Well, I'm platinum blonde, green eyed, and have a perpetual tan from this docking job, but she's still with me from the summer we spent together about a year and a half, almost two years ago. I wonder if I should shave, just to please her, and decide that I'm too damned tired and just want to relax before tonight. I knew that tomorrow was the fourth year anniversary of my brother's death, killed right there on the docks. Family time at the cemetary tomorrow was gonna be a bitch.  
  
Looking up I see her, her long dark hair and slanted eyes smiling on me. I can always feel her eyes on me. Once upon a time it enticed me, the feelings of those chocolate orbs on my back but now, it sort of annoys me, like being watched. Her mother was Julia the singer, a one hit wonder before she died in a car crash when the girl was only three. her father and her don't get along anymore, just the loss of her mom being most of the reason. Of course, the army general lost his wife and still hasn't gotten over the fact Rinoa looks soo much like her. I guess it's because every time he looks at the young girl he's rminded of his wife he lost. From what I heard he feels responsible because he was meaning to get a new car, but didn't do it. The break line gave out, and Julia wrapped her car around a tree, causing her to be thrown out through the windshield and breaking her neck. She died on impact. The woman never did like how seatbelts felt, and thought that since it was just a small ride, decided that wearing one would be quite useless. She'd be alive today if she did.  
  
Rinoa wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me. I hug her back, but the feeling is still there. We've stopped having sex, and all we do now is complain about our lives, talking. I'm not a pervert, but it's just sort of happened. We used to be a passionate pair, us two making other's jealous with our kisses, but now there's only a little smark that ain't lighting up no flame. I used to love her with my heart, my soul, but a few months back I looked at it and wondered what I really felt, and I could only come up with pity, and being a brother. I know in her soul she feels the same, that we're growing apart, but she needs love somewhere and since she's not getting any at home form her ice cold father, and she's grown so comfortable with me..  
  
"Seifer, let's go out to dinner. I'm hungry, and we have an hour or two before the parade starts." She almost whines. I just nod and lead her towards a cafe that I'm well known for. Saria, the waitress wants me. And maybe I just might comply.  
  
We sit down in seperate booths. Saria saunters by and grins at me while handing me a menu, and almost tosses Rinoa one. My girlfriend doesn't notice but I do. Brotherly instinct kicks in and I glare at the waitress, who shrugs and rips our her pencil and pad.  
  
"What will ya have, handsome?" She slurrs, trying to be sexy. She wears about ten pounds of make up and foundation, not looking very natural, but like an embalmed corpse. Rinoa tried that once, and I laughed so hard I thought it was Halloween. Or April Fools day. Shrugging, I mumble that just a cheesburger and fries will do, along with a side of coke, and Rinoa just asks for a salad. The girl eats like a bird, and it always bothered me. I wonder how she couldn't go hungry and just summed it up to her being a major closet eater, stalking the fridge at midnight. I always want my woman to feel comfortable around me and other people to be able to clear out a whole damned buffet if she feels the need to. I like that in a woman. One who can out eat me in any contest and not be embarassed by the fact her lipstick is smeared is my kind of broad.  
  
Saria walks away to retrieve our orders and Rinoa starts to babble on and on about her life, and why it sucks. I listen every once in a while, nodding just to let her think my ears are open while I go on thinking on where Deiling is going to. A new sorceress is taking over, I forget her name, and don't want to remember it. Sorceresses are bad news to me, too much power for one person to weild. Of course, deep down I'm enticed by that power. The power, I can't believe it. Who wouldn't want it? I know I would. The ability to control so much would be absolutely incredible. Make a country fall at my knees and lick my boots clean when I come home from the docks. Hell, if I had that power I wouldn't even be working on the docks. A sorceress from what I've learned also has to have a knight, a stupid guy who'll take a bullet that's meant for her own heart. I wouldn't be a knight to anyone. Not even Rinoa, because we all have to watch out for our own hides and stop worrying about someone else's for a change.  
  
Rinoa's voice leaks into my ears less and less when the door of the cafe jingles. I'm used to that sound. Every once in a great while I'll look to it to see the next sap who comes in and decides to try out the deli, the salad bar, the beef steak and fried potatos. Stay away from the chile though. That stuff is dangerous on the digestive track. Saria taught me that.  
  
The door jingles again, signaling an incoming patron. My head pulls away from Rinoa's babbing and I look towards the cafe's next victim.  
  
Some cowboy walks in. Long auburn hair, pretty damned long if you ask me, down to his waist. Dressed in a trench coat, I liked that, vest and a hat as well as a sharp pair of boots, he slips into a booth almost unoticed by the crowded place. He puts his elbows on the table and pulls his hat down low over his face, but anyone could tell the guy's scowling. I wonder with hald a mind what he's so upset about, and when Saria saunters over to him, he holds up his hand with four fingers, and mumbles so low I can't hear. Saria plants down four menues and leaves, and the cowboy smiles politely before resuming his brooding position.   
  
Rinoa taps my hands and asks me if I've heard anything she's said. I just mumble that I havem and she resumes her talking and i resume my watch.  
  
In walks in another pair. A short blond guy I couldn't put at more then five foot five to my six foot one frameand an even shorter little girl like waif, brunette with huge green eyes and a petite mouth. Just looking at the blond, I can tell he has one huge muscular physique, I'll give him that. I can only see the side of his face, so I wonder what people in the cafe are staring at him for. The guy looks at them and snarls, and they all look away like a receeding line of turning heads. From what he's wearing, I can tell he's the type that likes to T-board a lot, with those puffy pants and short jacket, black tank top too.He leans down to the cowboy, and my eyes grow wide when he removes his jacket. On his upper forearm is a freaking HUGE tatoo, of a dragon, circling a name. My eyes tell me it's of Jebadiah Dincht. Dincht, Dincht.. that's so familiar it rings my head like a crazy bell. The blonde throws his jacket to the other booth and sits down. I now know why everyone was looking at him funny. Crossing his face is yet another huge black tattoo, almost shiny. On any other man, I have to admit it'd be tacky and ugly, but for some reason, it fits that guy like the sharp looking gloves he's wearing.  
  
Rinoa babbles on, but I no longer am listening.   
  
The brunette waif like girl, skinny and absurd wearing a yellow denim dress throws her pack on the floor ans sits down next to the cowboy, gripping his arm in hers and talks to him. He looks at her and smirks, lifting his free hand to remove his cowboy hat and placing it on the table in front of him. The young sprite girl reachs down into her bag and adjusts something from inside, and I notice the handle of the Ullysess rifle, and the corner of some sort of nunchucu. The gun obviously belongs to the cowboy, and the nunchucu..? The girl. It's light weight and not to heavy, even though I'd much rather read about blades and guns.   
  
All three of them lift a menu to their noses and sigh, reading it thoroughly. The blonde man takes the left over menu and places it beside him. Obviously they're waiting for someone else.   
  
I look back at Rinoa, who was babbling on over her salad. Saria delivered our food with out us knowing. I lifted a french fry to my mouth and chewed on it numbly, a nagging feeling hitting me pretty bad. I don't know why I'm even intrested in those three, or why i want to know who's gonna walk in next and take a seat by the tattoo'd wonder. I didn't know how hungry I was until I ate my first french fry before I started in on mauling my own food.  
  
The door jingled once again, and the table's occupants roar with sounds of welcoming their last member.  
  
Once again I'm drawn to look. I wish I hadn't.  
  
She's beautiful. Hyne, she's drop dead gorgeous in her pink, peach and maroon outfit. Just by the way she walks I see she's a strict teacher sort, but she can't be any older then I am. She's strict looking, but with a slight upturn in the corners of her mouth that shows she can be playful as well. She's fucking gorgeous, with her long blonde hair and sweet face. Her hair's up some what, with long golden locks trialing on the sides of her face. Beautiful. Perfect. And so serene. I can't see her eyes, but something in my gut tells me they're blue. Like a certain blue I always loved a long long time ago. her outfit was somehwta like a skirt and vest, her age showing in the teen age way at how she wears her silver rimmed glasses and the peek-a-boo navel she's flaunting unnoitciably. But for a reason I don't know she looks saddened. The urge to go up to her and comfort her is strong. But I don't know why. In a way, it feels like seeing a Goddess cry, something you don't expect and aren't allowed to see unless you're fully trusted in the Goddess' company.  
  
On her side is a whip, which she pulls out, rearranges and places on top of the cowboy's hat before taking her place beside the blonde man. He wraps his arm around her shoulders and whisperes to her, but I can tell they aren't lovers. It's like an older brother comforting his younger sister after a bully called her ugly. The young brunette reachs over and grips her hand, whispering to her. I catch a few words, my hearing drowning out every sound except for their conversation. I pick up the words "it's okay" and "We'll help him" and a few "We need you's" from their mouths. All this time I'm eating the same french fry and not knowing it. I was famished when I started, but looking down, Rinoa has almost completely finished her salad, and I've barely eaten a few bites. She goes on eating it leaf by leaf (an annoying habit) and talks while I continue my spying.  
  
The cowboy looks my way and hushes them, lifting a heavy arm to point. The sprite girl stares, and so does the blonde man, but the beautiful blonde keeps her face lowered. I try to will myself to look away, and almost do before the cowboy shouts at me, then whispers to his companions. I try hiding my face, growing red under my tan before I embarrass myself further. Rinoa barely notices, instead drifitng off into her own little dream world, her talking pulling herself into it, and I try harder to become invisible. Listening to him shout out once again, I relaize it's not in anger or rage, but in rather curiosity. Taking a chance, I lift my head to look at them from the corner of my eye. Now the blonde woman looks at me, and I'm right. her eyes are blue.  
  
Sprite girl pulls herself out of the booth and stands up, letting the cowboy out. he reaches down to unravel the whip from his hat and tops it on his head. I wonder if I have a chance to leave before he comes but then realize he's striding over, tall, almost my own height, and I curse that my wallet's still inside my pants. Pulling out the right bills would take too much time and Rinoa's off in her dream world and I'm not usualy the type who runs out on a date.   
  
The cowboy's standing right at my table now. I gulp and look up a him. The heat's still in my face when w meet, haze eyes to green, like an old showdown. His tongue runs over his lips before he says something, but the ringing in my ears keeps his first words from hitting my brain.  
  
"What?" I cracked my voice to talk. The cowboy licks his lips again before speaking. Nervous one he is.  
  
"Seifer?"He asks again, shifting his weight from foot to foot.   
  
I nod up at him. Rinoa stops her rambling and becomes enchanted with our talk.  
  
The cowboy takes his hat off, and starts breathing deeply. What's his problem?  
  
"Remember me?" He almost whispers, and trust a hand into his pocket. Staring up at him was freaking me out, so I pull myself from the booth and stood up, leaning against the table. I looked into his face and crossed my arms over my chest, and realize that my own heart was beating against my tricep.   
  
"I.. don't know." I almost whispered. But I did know who he was. Because it hit me right then and there, after those words left my lips Feeling vulnerable, I reached into my chair and pulled my denim shirt from it's resting position, and slipped it on. It was too big for me. It used to be the shirt that wrapped around my father's beer gut but I still liked it. My brother used to wear it. And it still smelled like him.  
  
He thrust his hand straight from his pocket to mine, his face holding no other emotion but subtle shock and curiosity. I let my own rough palm squeeze into his before he whispered his name. "I'm Irvine.. Irvine Kinneas?"  
  
He confirmed it. I said in a hushed whisper. "I-Irvy?"  
  
Irvine nodded at me, a smile breaking his lines lips. "Yeah.. Seifer."  
  
Every breath I took seemed to burn. Irvine pulled me into a stiff hug, the shock of my own psyche allowing him to do so. I'm not all for guys hugging me at ALL, but for some reason I let him do that. My arms felt around his back to hold him as well, and I blinked back a few memorable moments and just let myself be drawn into the present.  
  
Irvine pulled away from me then, smirking and grinning from ear to ear. He placed an arm on my shoulder and called to the others waiting at their table to join him. They did, walking towards me in a manner that reminded me of an army line. I realized upon closer inspection on who they were, but Irvine decided to introduce them anyways.  
  
"Seifer, man.. Remember Selphie? And Zell?" He said, pushing the young waif and tattoo'd mongral towards me. Selphie's smile made my memory jog faster, and I remember dunking her into the ocean a few times, ruinng her perfect yellow sundress she aways loved to wear. Her facination with yellow never seemed to die, obviously. She jumped up and squeezed her arms around my neck, almost happy to see me. I'm shocked at that, since terrorizing her was one of my fondest moments. I guess she really can take a horrid joke. I entangle her arms away from my neck after a few minutes with out air to breath gets to me, and look at her. Premature at birth, and just barely tapping the five foot mark, she never did grow up. Her innocense makes me smile.  
  
Zell comes forward now, and just stares. I twitch at that. He may be over a half foot shorter then me, but he's got more muscles on him then I could ever have thought he could. At his sides his fists clench, one at a time, and he stands upright, throwing the monkey evolution theory to shame. His mouth twitsts into a half smile and he thrusts a huge hand at me, and I encase it in my own, unsure of what else to do. Taking my hand in his own, he whispers "Seifer.." and starts to crush it in his strong grip. I wince slightly in pain and pull my hand away, holding it n my uninjured palm. Smirking at him, I shake my head slowly. "You've really grown up, Zell."  
  
The comment makes him grin. He shoves his hands into his pockets and sheepishly backs away. I comment on his tattooes and his eyes light up, as he tells me the story behind the dragon on his arm, and te one on his face. Jebadiah was his adopted grandfather, and the tattoo on his face..? A drunken night when he turned fifteen. Still a recluse, I say. Again, he grins at my comment, and excuses himself, running to his table to fetch his jacket.  
  
Irvine laughs then, and reaches over to the young blonde who stood in the back ground. She held her hands clasped infront of her, and her eyes lowered to the ground. Irvine smiled weakly at her, and whispered in her ear to look up at me. When she did, I knew who she was, and spoke her name before she could say it herself.  
  
"Quistis.."   
  
She looked up at me then, and I felt myself drowning in her water colored eyes and loving it.  
  
"Seifer.. hello." She whispered, the corners of her lips turning up into a smile. Gingerly, yet like fluid motion she wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into an embrace. I almost melt into her, smelling her hair, her scent. It's a clean, sweet smell, but I can't tell the difference. I want to linger there, for almost an eternity, before she pulls away and resumes her stiff composure.  
  
"It's been so long.." I whisper to her, pulling her hands into my own. My feelings for this girl come raging back, which I have to say, feels very, VERY weird.   
  
"Yes.. it has hasn't it?" She speaks, her voice low and throaty. Her eyes trail past mine to Rinoa, who I had almost forgotten was present. "Who's this?" she asks me.  
  
I'm shocked at the lack of hesitation in my voice. "Just a friend."  
  
I can feel Rinoa's glare on my back, angry and whiny. But it's true. Our love's gone, faded away now. I've faced it a long time ago. This is my way of making her face the facts as well. I mean, come on, you can't fool someone all the time if you don't want to. I know I don't.  
  
Quistis turned to Irvine and whispered to him that she wasn't hungry after all. Irvine nodded and smiled sadly at her before wishing me well but stating that he was starving and they had a mission to do. Selphie and Zell both wished me luck, and promised to come see me in the near future. For referance, I wrote down my number and address, handed it to them, nodding, and telling them to give me a call. We had a lot to talk about. Quistis stead before me and smiled up at me, her full lips pouting. Even though she was all grown up, she still held the innocense of her youth in her eyes.  
  
"Let's talk." I whispered to her, and leaned down to sit in the booth. She sat next to me, prim and proper, and smiled. Straightening her skirts, she let her breath out in one hazy sigh and lowered her head. My face must have shown confusion, because she looked up at me and blinked.  
  
"I..I'm an Instructor now at Balamb Garden." She said. I was right, a teaching position for her.  
  
"That's great, Quisty. I always knew you were a sucker for authority." I snickered at her. She smiled at me, now looking at me for a few seconds before turning away.  
  
"I'm dating..or I was.. Dating.. Squall Leonhart.. Remember Squall?" She asked.   
  
"Just barely." I lied. "He was the guy with brown hair right? Always a loner. How's he doing?"  
  
Her face fell at that. He must be dead then. Cruel, I thought to myself, cruel cruel cruel-  
  
"He's possesed.." Her hand slipped to her lips. "I mean, I shouldn't have said that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"We're.. I mean.." She gulped hard then. "We're on a mission. While we're here. I can't say what it is.."  
  
I nodded, silencing her with a finger. "A need to know basis?"  
  
"Correct."  
  
"Then let's not talk about it anymore." I sighed, running a hand through my sun bleached hair. We spoke about our lives then, hers and where she grew up mostly. I spoke of mine fleetingly, instead found myself wanting to know about her, how she was, where she was, what was going on. She inquired about me as well, and actually seemed interested to boot. A far change from my talks with Rinoa, who instead likes to babble on about herself and the subjects of cute guys, as if I were one of her flirty little girlfriends. Nevermind the fact I was her boyfriend, and even though the talks pissed me off to every degree, I eventually found myself not caring anymore.   
  
"How about you?" Quistis asked me, seemingly more relaxed now.   
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Are you dating anyone?"  
  
I looked across the table to Rinoa, who was silently seething. I looked back to Quistis, and again I drowned. "No. Not anymore."  
  
We talked again. For just a few minutes it seemed before Quistis turned her face to her watch and her blue eyes went wide. "Damn!" She whispered, pulling herself up from her seat. "We've been here an hour, and we're already five minutes late!"  
  
I stood up after her, and walked her back towards her table where the others where dropping bills to pay for their food. We said a few quick goodbyes, and I hugged all of them, even Zell, who seemed more then happy to do so. Walking them near the exit, I pulled Quistis back to me and embraced her, hard, once again, and felt the feeling of being high. She did the same, as if we were the only ones in the cafe, so I decided to make my move before I lost her again. Leaning down, I kissed the corner of her lips, and whispered into her ear to give me a call. The smile she gave me was worth any wrath Rinoa might toss my way after this.   
  
After our good byes, I trailed back to my seat and turned to my food. I looked at Rinoa, and realized I had been ignoring her for the past hour and a half. I sipped from my now flat soda and coughed, and started to speak. "Rin-"  
  
Her soda hit my face faster then anything I could have thought. The last thing I saw of her was her retreading form, ruinning out the door, and leaving me with the bill.  
  
Shrugging it off, I took my denim shirt and wipes my face with it beore setting it down. Relaxing in my seat, I stared at my food and smiled. My stomach reminded me something then and there, loudly; I was   
hungry again.  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~  
A/N: If anyone has any more what if..? alternate reality ideas, e-mail me. Thanks. 


	2. What if...? Ellone never had any powers?

WHAT IF.....? Ellone never had any powers?  
  
  
The thorns on the rose pricked my skin for the fourth executive time. Hissing, I lifted my finger to my lips and sucked on the blood drop that formed. The tart taste of copper filled my mouth and I could just imagine it staining my teeth pink. Running my tongue to try and lesson the rose tinge, I sighed deeply, taking in the smooth crisp Winhill air into my lungs, and letting it stay there.   
  
My name is Ellone Loire, I'm twenty-one, and I live in Winhill with my adopted mother Raine, her husband Laguna Loire and their son Squall. I took Uncle Laguna's name when they married, and even though I could never call him father, or daddy, he'll always be my uncle. My real parents passed on during a car accident, on the way home from bringing my late baby body from home, and since then, I had been bounced from foster home to foster home up until I was three, and fell in love with the quiet town of Winhill. Raine and Uncle Laguna fell in love with me, so I asked my social worker, with them at my side to make me a permanent part of their home. I was almost scared she would refuse, given the fact that Raine owned a bar and lived with me above it, and sometimes, on those Saturday nights when outsiders came, it became a bit rowdy. On Sundays after our prayers to Hyne were said, we'd have to break out the brooms and mops to clean up the messes that scaled the floors. It was scary, at times, when I'd have to push a pillow over my head and pray for the 'bad men' to just leave. The whole mess of Saturday nights softened a bit when Uncle Laguna came, and he usually played bouncer to the bar, escorting the drunk patrons outwards, and with Mister Kiros and Sir Ward, sometimes out to the town limits to let the bite bugs and geezards take care of them.   
  
Mister Kiros is a free lance mercenary now, but most of the time he works out of town for a mining corporation, where they hunt and excavate for the lost treasures of our world and the past sorceresses. Digging around in the dirt, so to speak, he hopes to someday buy a house so he and his girlfriend Minerva can live peacefully. I've hear him speak of Winhill as the place to be, but I get the feeling that somehow he would much rather prefer the big league towns like Deling, or heaven forbid Dollet. Dollet's had those problems with monsters in the communication tower, and that big spider like robot I heard they were creating, X-AM or something. I'm not sure, but I do know that a lot of taxpayer's money is going into it, and Mister Kiros was also helping in the design. I'm pretty sure he mentioned something about it, but that it was top secret and it was designed to help out with the monsters, and that was all. Of course, I had this nagging feeling that something was wrong, but I wouldn't tell. After the deed of the 'Black Widow' was done, Sir Kiros became a vagabond, a skilled mercenary during those times, before he started in with the mining corporation. If he feels the need for extra cash, he works for a few months in Esthar, where his dear sweet Minerva lives with their now two year old son Saigon, with Sir Ward.   
  
Sir Ward had become president of Esthar. During the sorceress war with that evil demon Adel, he had come up with his own silent plan for her capture and to send her into space. He had asked Uncle Laguna for help in this matter, and they worked together for long late nights creating a plan to embalm the witch, tempt her with a child who's intelligence surpassed any young girl's known on Hyne's green earth. They had conducted a plan to use me as bait, and even though Raine never agreed with it, I had whole heartedly and anxiously adored any adventure with my uncle Laguna so much, that they need not had to ask for my agreement. I do believe I was halfway to Esthar the minute the words escaped their lips, flying high with adrenaline my five-year-old body could muster. When we had arrived, Uncle Laguna had told me precisely what to do, and how to stand clear of the razor sharp talons of the evil wench that she was sure to wield, as Sir Ward described the plan to use my holographic body to bring her into her own demise. When she had been captured, everyone held a vote as to decide on who should become the new fresh President of Esthar, the leader of that miraculous city. Even though I had made a note that Uncle Laguna won by a landside, he secretly switched the votes to Sir Ward, tapping my nose in our secret little 'handshake' telling me that this was the right thing to do. Sir Ward had won, and he still reins that beautiful city with a silent throat and a strong fist, and comes to visit up once a weekend every month. Sometimes, he brings a package and gives it to Raine, which I found out was money to keep Winhill alive. It pays sometimes to be a snoop.  
  
Uncle Laguna still says to me when I ask him why he chose not to run that beautiful Esthar city, that Winhill has always been too good for him to leave. In some ways, I find a double-edged sword in his words. Of course he would have loved to become president of Esthar, who wouldn't? But at the time, Raine had just had my little foster brother and Uncle Laguna. Having never had much of a relationship with his own father, Laguna refused to spend more then a day with out being in the company of that baby boy, his wife, or I. My heart tells me that even though he loves journalism (he still writes freelance articles for Timber Maniacs as well, and the Battle series that my little brother loves to read, along with Weapons Monthly: The machine guns no man can live with out) and ability to travel and see the world we have forged, he loves Raine and Winhill even more, and feels never to abandon it no matter what. The old folks who used to whisper about him have finally excepted him into the folds of this quiet town, even coming to our door at night for help with a leaky faucet, stopped toilet, pluming, etc.  
  
Sometimes my little brother helps him out. He is eighteen now, and when he was little he used to follow Uncle Laguna to the ends of the earth around Winhill. I used to hold him and rock him into a deep slumber after Raine almost died. He had nightmares for many months after her near drowning, which we both witnessed. I loved how he needed me then, making me feel superior in a good way. I know for a fact that he still does need me, and that itself makes me happy to have him as my little brother. He has Raine's beautiful facial features, but Uncle Laguna's stunning blue eyes. He got the perfect looks from both sides of his parents. Someday, I know this, he will get married to the only lady I feel will ever be worthy of him. Of course, she'll have to be some sort of royalty. My little brother deserves no less! He needs me. And I need him. We are both a part of a circle that includes Raine and Uncle Laguna, and nothing can break the chain. Even if at times he can be an annoying little grog, but aren't all little brothers some time?  
  
I pull my finger from my lips and stare down at the rose bed, their dark crimson color staring up at me with their entwined petals. The bleeding has stopped, and I notice that they still are no match for the beautiful white flowers my adopted mother seems to enchant with her skilled gardening fingers. She used to make wreaths for my hair during the Winhill festivals, and I have seen some embarrassing pictures of myself my little brother, even at the ripe age of eighteen, still likes to point out and laugh at where I'm dressed as some sort of angelic fairy, prancing around in a sea of petals in which people would throw at me. Raine made a scrapbook of my youth, and in that book she took the very first wreath that adorned my head and the first few petals that fell into my hair and pressed them into the stiff backing board.  
  
A loud humming sound filled the air, and a brisk breeze soon ascended upon Winhill. The sky was darkening, as I pushed my hair back behind my ear and looked above me. I recognized the huge craft, flying high above my head almost instantly as the famed Balamb Garden. Every time I see it, it never fails to take the breath from my lungs. It's almost as beautiful as Esthar itself, with it's other world like looks and it's halo of light lifting it off the ground. One time, I was lying outside during one of our famed Winhill nights, just gazing up above, and I heard the low hum of the floating school, right above my head. It flew quite low then, so low I could hear the laughter and the voices from inside, as if a party was happening at the moment. Possibly the graduates of the school to become full fledges SeeDs. A pair of young men came by to Winhill, claiming to be the graduates, but of course it was a lie. Uncle Laguna found this out by heading straight to the Headmaster of the floating realm and asked him for references, and non-could be provided. Uncle Laguna gave them a chance anyhow, and allowed them to stay, much to the charging of the old lady who ran the flower shop, who's bed of dirt I was resting my knees in now.  
  
"Now, now little Elle, I am not paying you to stare at the stars!" Her voice rang from behind me. I cringed slightly as she used the nickname only allowed to be past by the lips of Raine, Uncle Laguna, and my little brother. Also, she wasn't paying me to look at the stars, or to tend to her garden. As nice as she can try to be, she's a cheap old buzzard.  
  
"Yes ma'am," I replied. "But I'm through here, so I'll head on home now. It's almost time for dinner."  
  
She nodded sadly. Her husband died a few years back, and ever since then she has been a lonely old woman, vying for some company. I felt guilty about my evil thoughts earlier and gave her a smile.   
  
"If you'd like, you may join us? I'm sure Uncle Laguna and Raine will be happy to have you over."  
  
At the mention of my wonderful Uncle, her face clouded over and she stiffly shook her head. "I… No dear, but thank you for your wonderful offer."  
  
I nod at her and bid her farewell, and walk back towards the bar, still looking upwards towards the flying Garden above my head. It was drifting towards the horizon now, disappearing across the clouds. I do like that Garden, and had once considered joining it. But Raine needed me to help her run the bar and I could never be away from Uncle Laguna or my little brother for so long. And I also heard they're mercenaries. I'm not the mercenary type, but maybe, if Saigon inherits his father's talent for fighting, he can join. I'll have to mention that to Mister Kiros the next time he comes to see us.  
  
Stepping inside, I breathed in the scent of steaks on the griddle and potatoes baking in the oven. Uncle Laguna was handling the stove while Raine was cutting up vegetables on a board. My brother was reading the newest Weapons Monthly, and on his hand was the Lion ring Raine had given him. Ever since he got it, he never took it off, even when he showered. I asked him why it meant so much to him, and he just shrugged and said "...whatever." before I started to pester him like any older sister would before he told me that he liked it. I took the explanation in stride, as I sat down next to him and tapped him on his hand.   
  
He looked up at me with his solemn face and serene blue eyes. "Yeah?"  
  
"Squall..." I smiled, "Miss McCarly says you have to go see her more often."  
  
Squall gave me one of his 'gimme-a-break' looks. "Oh why, so she can badmouth dad to me again?" he whispered low enough for Uncle Laguna not to hear. My ace must have showed pain because he groaned and leaned in close to me. "Sis, look, it's not like I don't feel for the old woman. I liked her husband. He was cool. He also accepted Dad as a part of Winhill, but she just couldn't. And still can't. It pisses me off because she's always complaining about how much I look like him, even though I look like mom."  
  
I have to admit. He does look like Raine. I reached out with my hand and gripped his fist gently, smiling at him. He opened his palm and let my fingers sift through his and squeezed my hand, taking comfort from me. Both of us looked up to Raine and Uncle Laguna and smiled, watching as they playfully hounded one another in the kitchen. Every once in a while Uncle Laguna would snake an arm around Raine's waist and tickle her side, and she would swat him away with a smile on her face, and a giggle in her throat. I often wondered about Julia, the singer he fell in love with before Raine. But he always described Julia as a fleeting wind in the night, and Raine as a down pour of wonderful everything that he needed and wanted in life. I had to agree. Raine is a wonderful woman. I remember the day when she started drowning, trying to save another child from being pulled into the waves. Uncle Laguna is a wonderful swimmer, and he saved her that day, with me holding my little brother tight, making sure he knew that everything would be all right as long as Uncle Laguna was around.  
  
The table was set now, and I stood up to help with the food. Setting it down in the right order, we said our graces to the Hyne and began to eat in midst of conversation with each other. It wasn't until Squall tapped his glass for attention and stood up did we drive ourselves from our talking to look up at him and give him our eyes.   
  
"Mom? Dad?" He said, a quiver in his voice. I wondered what could be going on into the privacy of his mind to make him so nervous. Raine and Uncle Laguna looked up at him and smiled, awaiting his news.  
  
Shocking news, if I say so myself.  
  
"Mom, Dad. I know this is going to be a little tough, but I need you to know that I'm an adult now. And I've made a few calls..." He burned red then, his voice trailing off. Uncle Laguna looked concerned and Raine only narrowed her eyes.  
  
"...And, I've decided to join Garden as a late emitted. They have great Instructors there, and the ones they call Instructor Almasy and Instructor Trepe, I've heard they're great for teaching..." He stopped then, and sat down, not daring to face either of their eyes. Under the table, he sought after my hand and found it, gripping it tight. I could feel the circulation from my fingers cutting off so I squeaked out a little sound, and he loosened up.  
  
"...Instructor Trepe and Almasy... they... they teach the late comers, like me. And I've always wanted to... Learn how to wield a gunblade. I've been practicing with dad's old one, and they know how interested I am... The money's good and all... "  
  
"Well, son..." Uncle Laguna chided in, but was cut off by Raine.  
  
"Absolutely not!" She almost shouted, standing up. "I will NOT have my son prancing around the globe with belts to his knees full of bullets killing things!"  
  
"But mom!" Squall admonished, his hand once again clenching my own. I winced in pain again, but decided to let him go on. "I wanna see the world! I can't stay here in Winhill forever!" His last remark came out like a whine. Oh, Squall...  
  
"No! Enough!" Raine shouted, throwing down her napkins and rolling up the sleeves on her pretty yellow sweater. "You will not, and I repeat WILL NOT GO TO GARDEN! Is that UNDERSTOOD young man?"  
  
"No! I don't understand!" Squall shouted, standing up as well and letting my poor hand go. He was only a mere five foot eight, but he seemed taller then… and stronger. My, how he had grown up, in front of our own eyes even. "You won't let me grow up! Mom, I HAVE to do this! Please, just under-"  
  
"If you leave Squall, don't EVER come back! You understand me?? Don't you EVER come back here again!" Raine shouted, balling her fists at her sides. She would have gone on until...  
  
"RAINE ENOUGH!" Uncle Laguna shouted up at her from his sitting position. The sound of his shouts made all of us jump, and Squall paled; shocked at hearing his own father yell at Raine like that for the first time any of us had ever heard. He usually spoke in a goofy yet adorable manner, but now, his blue eyes (much like Squall's) raged with an anger that none of us, not even Raine, have ever seen. He lashed out with a hand and gripped her forearm gently, and whispered into her ear "You and me. Talk. Now."   
  
He looked back at us stunned kids and smiled thin, saying "Excuse us." Before leaving the room with Raine.  
  
My brother sat down in a huff, and started shaking. I reached over with my arms to attempt to comfort him like I used to do when we were children, yet he only shied away from me. Feeling rejected but understanding, I continued my dinner in silence, even though I wasn't hungry anymore.  
  
We could only hear muffled voices through the walls, and we counted the minutes as they tapped down. A half hour later, they reentered, Raine's face full of tears that dried on her cheeks. Sitting down, they continued with their cold dinner, not speaking. Squall merely sat in silence, brooding. It seemed like an eternity before Raine spoke up. "Pack your bags."  
  
"Huh?" Squall said, brought from his dream world.  
  
"I said," She pulled in her breath. "Pack your bags. You can go."  
  
Uncle Laguna nudged her gently and once again she pulled in another heavy sigh and looked at her near empty dinner plate. "But on one condition."  
  
"Yes mom?"  
  
"You HAVE to visit us at least one weekend a month! And your vacations are OURS all right? And you WILL tell us everything! How you're doing, everything! And you have to call and write at least once a week or I'm going to Balamb and drag you back by your ear. Is that understood young man?"   
  
Squall's face lighted up with a joy that was so rare to his precious features that it made my heart ache. He jumped up yelping happily, running to the other side of the table to hold and hug Raine, lavishing her with thank you and you won't regret it, to I love you and thanking the Hyne for giving him such wonderful parents. He bounded up to his room, yipping with glee to apparently pack for his upcoming adventure while Raine held her face in her hands and silently sobbed into Uncle Laguna's chest. Uncle Laguna looked at me and mouthed out the words "Are you okay?" and was satisfied with my nod. I excused myself from the table and up to Squall's room, where I helped him pack and talked to him about his leaving Winhill.   
  
Now, as I sit outside, I listen to the earth. Raine's crying has ceased, and she and Laguna have gone for a long walk on the path to where he proposed to her. I can see them from here, where I sit in this flower field and I smile, knowing that Raine's accepted the fact that her little baby boy is all grown up. Their conversation resides amongst a few things, about Raine getting gray hair and gaining weight, but Uncle Laguna's deep voice is heard now, faint, telling her that he never noticed. That she is still the most beautiful and spunky woman in the world. Spunky? I like that. It describes Raine perfectly. They're out of earshot now, still crunching the field beneath their feet.  
  
The cool Winhill night, even this late is still beautiful, and I enjoy the sight of the stars glistening the skies like diamonds on velvet. The air is crisp and clean, and I smile, enjoying my nice quiet moment. It's been over a week since Squall's announcement, Footsteps behind me awaken my senses and I look behind me to see him standing there, hiding something behind his back. Smiling, I stand up to my young brother, who is over three inches taller then I am. My eyes narrow playfully, and I attempt to reach behind his back to snatch at whatever he's hiding from me.   
  
"Squall!" I whine playfully, trying to jump behind him. He leaves tomorrow. Time is going so fast.  
  
"What Sis? Too slow? Come on keep trying!" he laughs at me now, turning and twisting away to keep me from the hidden object behind him.  
  
"Squall, come on! Please?" I beg, standing upright and placing my fists on my hips. "That is so unfair."  
  
He smiles now, my brother, and pulls out an object that was obviously of his handiwork. I'm surprised at the sight. One of Raine's white flower wreaths? The object glows a pale cyan in the moonlight, as he twists it in his hands, even though the flowers Raine grows are usually as white as snow. I gaze at it, my eyes wide, drinking in the sight of his handiwork. It looks somewhat shabby, but I immediately fall in love with it. The leaves are a little uneven, and the petals slightly tinged with brown, but he's done his best. I've seen some of the prettiest flower wreaths by Raine, but since this one is by Squall, it's one of the most beautiful wreaths I have ever seen. Not pretty, but beautiful.  
  
In silence, he stepped toward me, shadowed by the serene moonlight, making him seem like an ethereal white knight. I half pondered to myself, would he make a wondrous knight to an undeserving sorceress? Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I laced my fingers together and smiled at him, placing them in front of my lap. "Squall," I asked him, a smile tracing my lips. "What's that for?"  
  
He fingered it lightly, still smiling. Taking careful steps towards me, his boots crunched the tall grass and he frowned, attempting to perfectly place it on my head like a crown. Pulling back, I lifted my hands to feel along its circular shape, and smiled. "What's this?"  
  
Squall pushed his hands into his pockets and grinned sheepishly, looking like Uncle Laguna more and more. "Remember the festivals? You used to wear the wreaths Mom made."  
  
I nodded, smiling. "And you laughed at me, little brother."  
  
"Heh, yeah, I did. But hey, I just wanted you to know, that you actually looked really pretty like that, Sis. I just laughed…cause, well..."  
  
"You're my brother." I finished for him, slugging him lightly in the arm. He mocked pain.  
  
"Well, yeah. And all little brothers are supposed to be the pits sometimes." He scratched the back of his head, another trait he received from Uncle Laguna and smiled. "Hey, close your eyes and hold out your hand. I got something else for you."  
  
I felt something smooth and round in my palm, and knew what it was before I opened my eyes to see it. He had removed his Lion ring and gave it to me.  
  
"Squall?" I croaked out, my voice not showing my belief. "You're...giving it to me?"  
  
He shook his head then, and smirked. "Nah. Not giving it. Letting you borrow it…sort of. I want you to keep it for me until I come home. Can you do that for me Sis?"  
  
I nod, not trusting my brain to say any words. A happy, yet sad feeling came over me, as I stared down at the silver ring. A tear falls, into my hand and dead center inside the ring. Another falls past it, and before I know it, I'm crying.   
  
Feeling his arms wrap around me, I know now what I have been denying myself for so long.   
  
Squall Leonhart Loire is all grown up.   
  
Squall Leonhart Loire is my brother.   
  
My family.  
  
Squall Leonhart Loire…doesn't need his big Sis anymore.  
  
  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+  
A/N: Special thanks to Butterfly for proof reading this fic. YOU ROCK! 


	3. What If...? Squall was raised by Adel?

WHAT IF.... Squall was raised by Adel?  
  
"My son arrived just the other day,  
Came into the world the usual way  
But there were planes to catch  
And bills to pay  
He learned to walk while I was away..."  
  
Momma. I can't call her that, she isn't my real blood, but I do anyway. I was adopted when my real mother died and my father..well, Hyne knows where he is. From what my Matron told me, he left before I was born. Probably didn't want a kid around to cramp his style. I don't know and I don't care. I have Adel with me, my adopted mother now.   
  
Except she's a sorceress. Which is causing a whole lot of problems.   
  
No one knows her like I do. She's really a great mom. She took me as her own, even when my adopted father left us. He took off when I was seven, about two years after I came into their home. So she's tried. But hey, it took it's toll on her as bad as it would anyone, being a single mother who where ever she went everyone recognized her deformed features, considered her a male with the female form. She just has muscles, I think. She's beautiful, my mother is. Adel. When she was born, the doctors were so afraid of her appearence, her fire like hair and her overly muscled physique, clawed finger tips and blue skin and lack of any iris in her eyes that they told her own mother she was stillborn, and only let her be held by her own mother for just a few moments, to drink in the sight before my mother was taken away. So, considering she's never had any mother like contact herself, it's strange at how she was such a great mother to me. She may be deformed, demented in some ways, but she'll always be beautiful in my eyes. She too was tossed from sideshow home to sideshow home, until she saved up enough of her money to go to Esthar and make somewhat of a life style for herself. There, she was surprised with finding out that her own mother lived there. She was shocked, as would anyone be to find out their parent or parents are alive when they had spent their whole lives thinking them dead.   
  
So we, as vagabonds, ventured forth to their address, which was nicely provided in the phone book. After a few calls, we walked along the beautiful glass like roads towards their home, finally to see the truth of their existance. I wondered what my mother thought of them. Would she hate them? I know that at this moment I hated my father with a passion, for not being there for me when my mother died, and now allowing me and Sis, my 'sister' at the orphanage to have a nice steady home with him. But I shouldn't complain. I had Mother Adel with me, and I thought for the fleeting moment that she would use her claws on them the way their resentment and rejection had scarred her.  
  
But it wasn't that way when she saw them. With me at her side, holding my hand, she had pulled her body cloak tighter with a gloved claw hand and knocked on the door. When my 'grandmother' answered, she was scared of the sight before her, but instinctively knew who my mother was as soon as she pulled the cowl off her head. I mean, who else has claws for fingers and blue tinged skin? The woman who opened the door began crying, but from relief or fear I don't know. She started babbling on about how she loved my mother, missed her, but was kept from keeping her and was told she was stillborn because of her husband, who at that moment was bumbling down the steps with a gun in his hand.   
  
Mother was telling her own mom about me when he showed. He was angry, and looked as if he detested the sight of my mother. It all went so fast I can barely tell you how the showdown went. What I do remember is that big oaf lifting the gun to my mother and calling her names she sure as hell wasn't, and condemning her to Hades, and thanking the Hyne that she was alive so he could make sure she was dead this time. When the barrel of the gun lifted to my mother, I screamed as loud as my little boy voice could and rushed infront of her, trying to sheild her large form with my tiny body. Apparently I had suceeded. A large sound, enough to break glass on the first hit was heard, and I felt a white hot pain hit my leg, then a warm fluid dripping down my pants. I realized later that not only was it blood, but I had pissed my pants as well, and didn't even have time to be embarrassed about it, because while I nearly passed out in pain, the grandmother, as Mother Adel told me she was, jumped infront of the huge man with the gun and attempted to wrestle it away. She only suceeded in getting butted in the head with it, and he aimed for my mother again.  
  
I started crying. Hard. I didn't want this to happen. Who would? See their own mother die infront of your eyes as the last thing you view in this world? Hyne, no. Never. That was when my mother lashed out with her claws, and ran towards him, screaming. It's still blurry. I can't remeber the whole thing, except that two shots rang out then, and one of them grazed Mother Adel's shoulder, and the other one found it's way to the Grandmother's lungs.  
  
I heard their last conversation, as if I was underwater. The man, the Grandmother's husband was in shock at the fact he had just shot his own wife, and he collapsed on the stair case while the two women spoke.  
  
"...Adel...?" The grand mother gasped. I knew it would soon be her last breaths.  
  
"Mo-Mother.. Please.. don't die..! I just found you!"  
  
I opened my eyes now. I saw Mother Adel holding the Grandmother in her overly strong arms like a child.   
  
"..Adel.. my sweet.. I...love you.. never wanted..you...to..die.."  
  
"Please! it'll be okay, mother! Please, don't die!" Mother Adel's cries broke my little boy's heart.. Hyne, I didn't want to hear her like that!  
  
"..it's...almost time.. I..have to.. give to you.."  
  
"Mother? What?"  
  
"..my...life.."  
  
A warm glowing light surrounded my mother, and the Grandmother. I saw this light transfer from the dying woman to the deformed one, and I gasped, and screamed for my mother to get away, get away from the light. What was it they said, when you die, you see a bright light? Was I dying then? Was I? or were they? The Grandmother I knew, knew she didn't have long, but my mother? She only a flesh wound for Hyne's sake! God can not be that cruel to take away a mother from her child, can He? No.. Hyne, you could never be that cruel..  
  
The light dimmed now. I realized only one was alive.   
  
It wasn't the Grandmother.  
  
Bright light surrounded her, making her seem evil. But she wasn't evil, she was my mother. All I remember form that moment on was reaching down to feel my leg, and lifting my hand tosee the crimson stain on my fingers. I stole one last blurry look at Mother Adel and the huge man, and her lifting him above her with a large claw before I passed out into blessed darkness. I remember then feeling the cold hard ice through my bones. My nerve endings healing miraculously, but painfully and I cried out. Mother Adel's strong arms wrapped around me, and I leaned into her man like chest and sobbed. She stroked my hair and whispered that now, every thing is going to be alright, alright now. I wanted to believe her, but when she explained to me what she had become, I couldn't.  
  
That was years ago. After she healed my wounds with her powers, she had thought it was right to link her mind with mine, a psychic link, and make me her Sorceress Knight. After wards, though, she had gone on a rampage, the power making her insane. I didn't want to believe it but I had to. She just started letting the power of a sorceress go to her head. She tried taking over Esthar, which I personally thought was a horrible idea. I mean, who can take over practically a whole continent? She thought she could, and even though I missed her so much when she was gone, she did apparently succeed. For a few years, she ruled with an iron fist, a clawed hand trying to make the city into her mourn of perfection. No matter what, though, everyone saw her as a threat, a hard ruler, and a demon, but that didn't bother her. As long as she ruled, everything would be alright. And it was...  
  
Until He came.   
  
Apparently, the people of Esthar didn't want to be ruled under a sorceress, so they concocted this stupid plan to lure her out and capture her. I never knew any of it, but I knew that there was a strange man around the huge place, with long hair and a warrior's outfit. Every day from our home I watched him, eyeing him, sizing him up, from afar. He just didn't look right, out of place here, with his overly cocky additude and perpetual smile. Smiles weren't common here, so why on Hyne's earth was he smiling so damned much? I knew he was wrong. I tried telling Mother Adel about it, but she refused to listen, as if she thought herself as immortal. I was slapped across he face, causing a scar of my nose when she trailed her claws to punish me for overminding her. Mother Adel never told me why she was searching for a young girl. Her reasons were her own, I guess. Just still don't understand why she wouldn't talk to me. It was strange indeed. But what could I do? Nothing, that's what. She's entitled to her secrets as well as I am, isn't she? But why was she so cruel when I asked? I had to find out, damn it. Someway or another.   
  
So I did the worst possible thing I could think of.  
  
I abused our psychic link, our psychic rapport.   
  
And I dove into her mind.  
  
At first, it was easy, I just relaxed on our couch and thought to where she was. Not hard if you think about it, but it is if you try to convince yourself that it's alright, and still your business, that she would deem it okay, ebcause she's your mother. But ever since she scarred my face at my subtle inquirey I had grown very, very suspicious. So, instead of being smart and ignoring it, I decided to read her mind and find out exactly what she was up to.  
  
I wish I didn't.   
  
I could have gone my whole damned life with out knowing what she was doing at that moment.  
  
Sacrificing a little girl.. for herself?  
  
No, not mother Adel..  
  
So I dove deeper.  
  
And deeper..  
  
And deeper still..  
  
Until she caught me.  
  
And held me there until it was done. I begged her to release my mind, letme go so I could help her, and help the little girl. but she denied me that, and kept her grip on my mind until I saw through her eyes the man, that weird strange guy who was walking around Winhil. I tried to scream at her that he was bad, evil even, but she silenced me, but still made me see her world through her eyes. I heard him speak to her, bow down to her, but saw through his facade. I KNEW there was something wrong with him! He was going to do something to my mother! I could feel it, feel it in my bones about his plans. But mother adel refused to listen, and followed him into the chamber where he claimed the girl she wanted was. I wanted to pull away from her mental grasps, but she held me there, and I could feel her changing, her determination, her destination changing..  
  
The man shouted at her, words I don't remember. He lifted his arm and pulled a lever, or something, and soon our combined vision blurred. I could feel ice cold air seep into her body, and the stank smell of some sort of radiation pouring into her pores. It took only a few moments to make me realize it, and I felt her fear seep into my bones when she did as well. They were embalming her. Alive. Hyne..   
  
Adel let me loose of her grasps, shouting at me to get away, get the hell out of Esthar. Because when they find me, I'm as good as dead. I knew this as well, and awoke from my trance like state, sobbing horridly as if I had lost all the most precious things in the earth to me. In a way I did. They killed my mother, and sent her into the dank realms of space, never to be alive again. In what seemed like an eternity, but only was a matter of minutes I had packed my bags and got the hell out of Esthar. My last glance at the city was a glare, and I spit on the dirt, and vowed, that some day, I'll have my revenge.  
  
That day came sooner then I had ever thought.  
  
It wasn't until years later, when it was heard that the seal of Adel was broken, and I was getting the worst possible headaches anyone could ever get. It was like I was hearing her again, calling out to me. I was working as a merc for hire, learning how to use some sort of weapon called the Gunblade. It took me three years to find the correct parts and earn enough money for the ultimate gunblade, the Lionheart. Every day after the darkness came I tested out my skills, attempted to hone them down, and eventually found a few teachers along the way. One, I remember, was Seifer Almasy, who himself was a gunblade specialist and taught me on the side for a few months until I found it ready to continue my journey. I remember his words, he said them with a sly smirk;  
  
"You're good, Squall. You're good. Why don't you join Balamb Garden? Show the world your skills."  
  
I had just zipped my blade into my bag and shook my head. "I can't."  
  
"And why not? You can't be any older then me. Hell, you look about a year younger then I am. You can start in the right classes."  
  
Again, I shook my head. "No. I have a fight to battle on my own, thank you."  
  
He walked towards me, arms crossed. "And what battle is that?"  
  
I couldn't answer because I didn't know. All I did know was that I had a battle to fight, and it would come to me.  
  
We didn't see each other again. Seifer Almasy disappeared back into the mist of Balamb Garden and I continued my way back to the place where I cursed the dirt. I knew who had been chosen president. President Loire was all he was known by. My mother's murderer. I was going to make him pay for what he had done. He made an orphan out of me, once again, and I liked it as much as I did the first time. Some president, eh? He detroyed any source of love I had ever had in my entire life, and for that, my finishing manuever is going to pierce his cold heart with my blade. I'll cut out the stone he has in his chest, and see if it still beats blood while I shove it down his throat.   
  
I knew where he was going a certain day in August. My birthday, purely by coincidense. A stupid little bar with white flowers everywhere. I hate white flowers.  
  
Arriving there the day before, I booked a hotel for a few days with some money that I had left from my last merc job, and waited. Or tried to. I became very restless that moment, and decided that it was just too boring, so I went out that night and walked about, enjoying the serene calm of the place. But it had an eerie qualm to it, as if even though the people welcomes me with warm smiles, I just wasn't wanted. Maybe because I was an outsider, or reminded them of someone they didn't like, but I just didn't fit in the town. Aside from that, I had never seen the president of Esthar after he destroyed my life, so I barely had any hint of recognition in me to know what he looked like now. I found a flower field to sit down and think in for a few moments. The past reflections on him were form a long ways back, and I was so young then. I wasn't sure if I would ever remember how he truely looked. Hyne, I didn't even know his name. It's not something you see in the papers every day, for Hyne's sake. All I knew was where he would be sitting in the bar; I had asked the waitress who the reserved table was for, and she politely told me. Hyne, I never felt so strange in my life. Laying back down to stare at the stars, the cool breezes cleared my thoughts, and I closed my eyes, thinking on the past.  
  
"You're here awful late."  
  
I snapped open my eyes and sat up, looking around me. An older gentle man, who was looking really sheepish came towards me. He had his hands in his tan colored pants and a loose pale blue t-shirt on, unbuttoned down his chest. His gray streaked long dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail. He reminded me of an outdated hippy. The bright moonlight caught the slightest glint of a silver hoop in his earlobe, and when he smiled, his face creased, showing that even though he couldn't possibly be younger then forty, he still could pass for a senior and get discounts. His feet bore sandles, soft leather kinds, that were well worn into. I wondered if he was a hobo of some sort, with his shabby dressing. But looking into his blue eyes, I could tell that even at first glance you would consider him some homeless vagabond, he had been to Hell and back, lost a lot in life, lost a lot of loves, and still found the bright side of the darkness that seemed to engulf him where ever he turned. My heart sank for him. I don't know why, but it did. He seemed good, pure. And what was I?  
  
"Can't sleep." I mumbled, facing away. The goodness in him seemed to excell from the inside out, so bright it made my eyes hurt.  
  
"Well. Heh, neither can I. Mind if I join you?"  
  
I shook my head and nodded to a place next to me. He walked by, pushing the tall grass down and sitting on it. He coughed and sniffed, and smiled my way, extending a hand. "The name's Laguna. What's yer's?"  
  
"...Squall." I whispered, accepting his hand in my own. I was right. He even felt pure, clean. Chaste. His hands weren't even dirty. I envied that in a man.  
  
"Squall.. Squall.. " He repeated my name, as if memorizing it."I like that name. It's pretty nice."  
  
"Yeah..well.." I whispered. "It fits me."  
  
"So you're a fleeting wind?"  
  
"I guess you can say that."  
  
"I see."  
  
We sat there in silence for a while, listening to the tunes of the night. It was a while before he talked again.  
  
"So why are you here in this place?"  
  
I shrugged. "..Business. See someone I haven't for a while."  
  
"Oh.." He nodded. Tossing back his hair he smiled. "Old friends?"  
  
"..You can say that."  
"Okay."  
  
Curiosity killed me there. "How about you? You live here? You don't seem like one of the locals."  
  
To my surprise he laughed. "I don't eh? Well, I used to live here. With my wife. But I was called away on business, and she passed away while I was gone." His voice took a sad note. "I missed a lot of things while I was away from her.."  
  
I should have been more tactful, but this is me I'm talking about. "Like what?"  
  
He looked at me with shock in his eyes. "Wow, right to the point huh?"  
  
I tried not to grow red. He just smiiled warmly. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be. It's alright." He sighed. "It's just I missed the birth of my son while I was away. A precious moment lost to time once again. I wish I could have been there to see it. Hey, that reminds me of that song, by... I forget his name. Cat's in the cradle?"  
  
One of my favorite songs. "Harry Chapin?"  
  
Laguna nodded. "Yeah. Him. Remember the lyrics to that song? My song arrived just the other day?"  
  
"...came into the world the usual way, but there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.." I continued.  
  
"Yeah.. he learned to walk while I was away. I didn't know you young ones knew that one. That song's sort of my tune you know? I completely agree with it. It reminds me of the relationship with my kid, except.." He trailed off, looking at the stars.  
  
I let my big mouth talk again. "Except what?"  
  
Laguna looked at me, and before I could apologize, he continued. "Except I never actually got to know my son. he was sent form foster home to foster home after she died, cause I was on the road then. I tried looking for him. I still am. But now.." He sadly looked away from me. "I don't know where to look anymore. Right now I'm hopin' he find me. But probably thinks this ol' loser isn't worth looking for." He sighed then, and stared back up at the stars. Watching thing man near tears saddened me, and I cursed the dirt that son walked on. Laguna went on to tell me a little bit more about his past life, being a mercenary like myself, the little girl he helped raise who grew to love him like an uncle and happened to be there with him now, and spoke to me about my life. I kept most of it a secret, just here to see someone I knew, my mother died when I was younger, nothing too far from the truth. Most of our talk surrounded the aspect of Winhil, and he told me why they all looked at me the way they did, and that it just wasn't a hunch.  
  
"You're not from here, that's why. It's because you're not born and raised here, is why they look at you and whisper behind your backs. Don't feel lonely about it, though, I get the same thing. When I married my Raine, they saw me the same way, and blamed me for her death." He shifted positions, bringing his legs under neath him. I stared at him in shock. How could some people be that cruel? They are right up there with my mother's murderers.  
  
"That sucks sir." I mumbled, looking at him. "I'm sorry to hear that."  
  
Laguna just nodded, and stood up then, stretching. "Well, I'm sorry for talking your ear off." He sheepishly smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I tend to like to talk about myself. If I didn't sleep, I'd never shut up."  
  
The comment made us both laugh, and I stood up myself. Wishing me good night and thanking me for the company, I did the same to him. It was nice to talk about myself for once, and live my fears out. I really liked the man, I did. It was great talking, it really helped. I just wish I could have told him the true reason for my being here in this town..  
  
The next morning I packed my Gunblade into it's case and made my way down to the bar. My final battle was going to begin.  
  
I stepped out of the Inn with my case by my side. Whatever small belongings I had could be left there, I didn't need them. I knew that the minute I had done what I needed to do, I would have to run as fast as my legs could carry me out of the town. I had some magic with me as well, some blind and darkness. This old town was stuck in the old ways of using your hands and low advanced technology to help them get by, so there was no worry of them being immune to my magic. I cursed myself when I realized I had only brought with me three bullets for the regular handgun I had. But no matter. I had a gaurdian force as well. I started using them a few months ago, when Seifer Almasy taught me how, and actually showed me that I was carrying one around in the ring I wore around my neck on a silver chain. He called it Griever. I liked that name so much I kept it. Griever allowed me to cast and draw magic, which will prove very useful in my last mission.  
  
The walk towards the bar was long, even if it was only a few strides away. I can't tell you how many times I stopped myself to see if I was ready, and always found that I was. Taking a deep breath I stepped in the bar and closed my eyes. It was crowded that day, I noticed, and I couldn't see the President anywhere. So I decided to weed him out. I don't know how I did it, but I actually suceeded in shouting at the top of my lungs and shooting the gun I packed into the air, screaming at everyone to stand with their arms in the air, and obey my orders. When the commotion died down, I opened my eyes and swore to myself and thought for the hint of a moment that maybe, just maybe.. this was a mistake after all.   
  
But it was too late to turn back time now.  
  
"Alright everyone, I want The President's ass here and NOW!" I commanded, holding my Lionheart at my side and looked around.  
  
Their confusion only suceeded in pissing me off. "The president, damn you, President Loire of Esthar! I want him here, or everyone in this place DIES!"  
  
They gasped but I didn't care. I pointed a gun at some guy's face and demanded for the president or else he would die, when finally they understood. Glowering, I used the handle of the gun to knock out the guy I had pointed the gun at. I heard a female voice beg someone not to go, and I smugly smiled. So, the President was here with his girlfriend eh? Nice. Very nice.  
  
"Squall? Is that you?" A familiar voice sounded. I turned to it and gasped.  
  
"Laguna?!" Indeed it was he. A young woman, not much older then I was, was gripping onto his arm desperately, crying, anc calling him Uncle. I figure this was the young girl he raised and had grown to love like a daughter. Laguna kept pushing her back, whispering that it was going to be okay, and she kept crying. I felt sorry for her, it was like seeing your sister cry. Laguna turned to me with a concerned expression on his face.  
  
"Squall? Are you alright? Look, just take me, and don't harm the rest of these folks. Okay? We'll go talk again, alright? Let's-"  
  
"NO!" I shouted at him, lifting my wrist to wipe away the tears from my eyes. Sniffling I muttered to him "I just want the President of Esthar, President Loire. I want him to come with me. I don't wanna kill you. I want him!"  
  
I looked at him, and through tear stained eyes he suddenly looked so scared and sad I could taste it. "Squall, please, just take me-"  
  
"No, Laguna.. you don't understand. I need to take him with me. I need to do with him what he did to my..my.." I couldn't finish. It hurt so much.  
  
"Your what, son?" He asked calmly. I don't know how he kept the strain out of his voice, but he did.  
  
"My mother!" I shouted, and flung the gun and my hand in the air. Another shot went off, and a few of the patrons screamed. "My mother! Adel was my mother and he took her away from me!"  
  
Laguna looked and me and nodded, his arms stiffly at his sides."Let's go." he sternly ordered me.   
  
I looked at him like he had gone insane. "Excuse me?!"  
  
"Squall.." He swallowed, looking at the ground. "My name. Do you know my name?"  
  
"Yes.. You're Laguna..Laguna.." For the life of me I couldn't remember his last name. Then it dawned on me.  
  
The long hair.  
  
The cocky stance.  
  
The gold earring.  
  
The life lived through hell a hundred times..  
  
And still counting.  
  
"...Loire?" I whispered. My heart sank when he nodded and held out his hands.  
  
"Yes. I'm the President. My name is Laguna Loire, Squall. Just take me. Don't hurt anyone else in here. It's me you want." He turned his head sharply when the girl he was with wailed in anger and fear. "Elle, please, it'll be alright."  
  
I looked at the crying girl. She seemed so hurt, and scared, knowing deep down that she was never going to see her Uncle again. Running up to him, she gripped him around the waist and held him, sobbing loudly and shaking. What Laguna did next surprised me.  
  
He pulled her upright, and stared into her eyes, placing a finger on her chin to calm her down and bring her brown eyes to meet his. "Elle," he said. "Don't worry about me. It's fate sweetie. If this is the price I have to pay to let you live, then so be it. Just tell Ward and Kiros I said goodbye. Thing boy deserves closure hon. My time on earth is over, if it comes down to it. I would relive it a thousand times to make sure these people here are safe. I love you little Elle. Please, it'll be okay. Just don't try to help me with your abilities hon. I don't want anyone else hurt. It''l be alright. I promise."  
  
Elle, the girl was called, sniffled and hugged him hard again, and seemed unable to let him go. Laguna gently disengaged her from his body and looked at me, nodding. I was still in shock. I never expected the president of Esthar to be..caring. He embalmed my mother alive! He couldn't be the same man!  
  
"No.." I whispered, stumbling back.  
  
"Let's go Squall." He said in a strong voice, and waited for my next move.  
  
I shoved him outside the door, and he stumbled, falling to his knee before pulling himself up, holding his arms at his sides. In silence we walked to the skirts of Winhil, with my gun in his back and blade at my side. He didn't even try to speak to me, as if knowing his doom. People began to stare, so I shove dhim hard, yelling at him to walk faster, and tried to ignore the stares and glares of the town around us. The daggers from their eyes stabbed into me, making me feel a bit woozy. I hated them, their stares, and this man infront of me. He killed my mother after all. I hated him even more when he started to talk.  
  
"I did what was best for Esthar Squall."  
  
"Shut up." I muttered.  
  
"She wanted to kill my neice. She was going nuts. Her powers drove her insane, Squall. You have to believe me."  
  
"No! My mother wasn't crazy!" I screamed, and jabbed the barrel of the gun into his ribs. He groaned and fell to his knee again, and didn't bother to get up.  
"She.. She was crazy Squall. She tried killing all the little girls in the world! Believe me!" He yelled at me. "And you were next!"  
  
I how ever wasn't listening. "No.. Mom.. She wouldn't..I...Can't.." My head started feeling horridly wrong, like a hatchet was digging itself into my brain. I fell to my knees and screamed  
  
"Ellone?!" Laguna shouted. "NO! Elle! Don't! Stop! Don't do that to him! Don't make him see!"  
I dropped the gun and turned around to see the young girl, glaring at me. Except her eyes where no longer brown.  
  
They where pure white.  
  
Which was the last thing I saw before I passed out and drifted far off..  
  
Into the past. Wher eI saw my mother.. doing.. what? Hyne...  
  
I saw my mother. Through the eyes of Laguna. I saw her, and how she was acting... and who she truely was..  
  
"I want every little girl dead! Except for her..."  
  
"..But Adel..!" *You're insane. Damned insane*  
  
"And I want that rotten child of mine killed as well. He can take it all away if he wanted to.."  
  
"..Yes Adel.." *Never. I'll never kill that little boy.*  
  
"Where is Ellone?!"  
  
"Right in here, Sorceress Adel." *Right in there you miserable old wench*  
  
"Good..."  
  
*You'll never see the light of day again. That poor boy of yours... Hyne..*  
  
It happened so fast that when I awoke no one had come near me. Except Laguna. I opened my eyes briefly before shouting out in pain once more, feeling as if my brains where draining form my ears..  
  
*Laguna..Laguna...we have a son...*  
  
My real mother...  
  
*Raine? Raine is...dead..?*  
  
..My father..  
  
*Help! HELP ME!! I can't (UGH!) get out of the (GASP!) water..!*  
  
My real mother..drowning... dying.. no..  
  
*Raine.. she's.. no.. Hyne NO!*  
  
Laguna's voice again... Raine...My mother.. my...my...  
  
...father..?!  
  
*I want to name him Squall... Give him my ring...*  
  
....Hyne...  
  
I opened my eyes again. I felt wasted, Hyne damned wasted. I could barely move, but it tdidn't take much to know that I was passed out for just a mere few seconds. I was free to move, and I looked down, seeing my gun and blade still at my side To my other side, I saw Laguna had passed out as well, and was just awakening, and the young woman, Ellone, he called her again, holding her head and rubbing her temples. Whatever the hell those flashbacks where, she was the one who caused them.  
  
Standing up, I wavered on my feet from exaustion, not trusting my legs to hold my own weight. Sighing deeply, I looked over at Laguna, who was crawing over to me, and picking up my gun. I was too tired to stop him, and fell back down, hitting the hard floor with my head.  
  
"...La...Laguna.."  
  
"I'm right here, my son." His tired, but strong voice said. To my surprise, he was, right next to me, like a father should be.  
  
"...I'm...so-sorry..."  
  
"..Not as sorry as I am.." he said. His voice was so full of regret it scared me.   
  
Closing my eyes, I felt my head being lifted onto a lap, his lap most likely. I heard him remove his gloves and toss them aside, and then felt his hand stroke my forhead, and wipe my hair from my eyes. I started sobbing, feeling wiped out and exhausted, whimpering myself into rest.  
  
The last sound I heard was a gunshot form the last bullet in my gun going off, before I fell asleep.  
  
"He'd grown up just like me.  
My boy was just like me."  
  
  
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=  
Did Squall Die?  
Or did Laguna?  
Or did anyone?  
The song is Cat's in the cradle by Harry Chapin. 


	4. What if...? Quistis failed her SeeD test...

What if...? Quistis failed at becoming a SeeD?  
  
"Hey gorgeous, get over here!"  
  
Useless drunk. I placed his cup down next to him and snapped "Here" and turned away.  
  
His hand left an imprint on my butt.  
  
Mine left an imprint on his cheek.  
  
"Hey watch it sweet cheeks or I'll be damned sure to make sure you don't walk outta here again!"  
  
I turned around and glared at him, throwing my tray on the table. "I'd like to see you try, jerk!"  
  
To my surprise, he actually did. As he was standing up, I could tell that he had sure had his share of beers by the disgusting way his gut hung over his belt like a limp piece of rotten cheese. The celluilite in his overhanging stomach wrinkled the skin on his stomach sickened me, and the beer on his breath made me want to hurl. He was dirty, foul. Even the hair that trailed from his belly button down into his too tight jeans held small clumps of grime. The whole persona of the man disgusted me, and I let him know in my snarl. Cracking his knuckles, he advanced on me, and swore with his stinking breath about what he wanted to do to me. I never felt real fear until then.  
  
It's those times during these days when I wished I had stayed in Balamb. But when I failed my SeeD exam, I left when I was fifteen back home, and started to make amends. My foster mother had just died and my foster father was a cripple from the car accident that killed her, so I took a job to take care of his young two kids. But when a fire burned down their house while I was at work, killing everyone inside, I flew from Balamb to here, in Deiling. The money from the insurance on the burned down shack was just a little over enough to pay for the funerals, and the burial plots, and whatever was left I invested into making a new life for myself here. It was hard at first, with me sleeping in my car for almost a month, but it was worth it, just to get away from that small town, the staring townspeople, and the beautiful beautiful Garden I gave up three years of my life to stay.  
  
I say my foster family, because I'm adopted. I should say adopted family, but they almost never made me feel at home. Cook, clean, scrub, wash, make supper, everything that could possibly be spurred from their mouths except 'I love you' was. So I tried my best to earn my way into their home, but it wasn't enough. My mother was a drunk, my father, well, he was just completely different. Eccentric, even though he made quite a bit of money, he always wished to live in some man made chicken coop in the back yard, which surprised me. They were rich because of my mother's inheritance, and also, she was pregnant. Her drinking, as far as I'm concerned, possibly could have hurt those unborn children, but whenever I voiced my concerns I was slapped for thinking I knew more then my mother. I put to it that it was her dirnking that caused the car accident which killed her her and crippled her husband. I just thank the Hyne those two kids where at a babysitter, and they were able to live a few more years of uninterruptions while I cared for them until the fire from my crippled father's lit cigarette snuffed them out.  
  
I am Quistis Trepe. I don't know my real last name, so I took my foster family's last name. All I do know is my name is Quistis. Adopted when I was five, I was sent to Galbadia Garden when I turned eight, the minimum age for Garden inductees. Over the course of four years, I had learned everything I needed at Galbadia, and I was transferred to Balamb Garden for my SeeD training there. They figured that since I had learned everything so fast and at such a young age, it would be best for me, and in a way I agreed. I didn't like Galbadia very much. It was boring! All I could do there with the older students was play cards, which I always kicked their butts in. Soon even they decided I was too good to play against them, and stopped playing me, even when I challenged them. It was after I had read about Balamb Garden that I brought my case up to the Headmasters, and they agreed to have me transferred with a high recommendation from them to the Headmaster of Balamb, Headmaster Cid Kramer.   
  
He gave me a chance, and I blew it. We were on a field mission, and I led Squad B. Gnats and other assorted monsters where attacking the small town of Winhil, and we were to eliminate them, stay focused until we were sue there weren't anymore, and then return to base. I roped myself into thinking that this was going to be just an easy mission, but one of the Bombs shot fire and attempted to burn down the peaceful town in a blaze of flames. I underestimated that, and we helped the villagers out of their houses, evacuating one by one, while they burned to the ground. I didn't expect a young pair of twins to run into a shed for safety, but the Bomsb did. They ganged up on the shed and burned it to the ground, while the screaming children where inside. It wasn't until the clean up, when we found their charred and mangled corpses did I realize how badly I failed. The mother of the children sued, and the Garden lost a lot of money. It was then that I left. headmaster Cid told me may times that it was alright, it wasn't bad, that I could take the test again. But I felt too much guilt over it, and packed my bags for home. I remember who came into my room that night to wish me luck. One of them was Zell Dincht, an old friend of mine from way back. I always loved his company.  
  
I was packing my underwear when he walked in. I turned to him and smiled as his face paled and he turned away, sheepishly. Even though he was well thirteen at the time, (I'm two years older then him) he always shied away from anything womanly. It made me laugh, and when I did, he loosened up. To make him feel a little at home I closed my suitcase and sat on top of it.   
  
"Hi Zell." I rang out to him. He simply nodded and smiled, stil embarassed. "What can I help you with?"  
  
Zell came over to me, and sat down on my bed. "I'm just here to say bye, Quisty."   
  
He never could say my name right, but I did like the way he said it, it sounded.. magical. "Zell you don't have to. You know I'll visit."  
  
Zell always acted nervous. But this time, he really relaxed finally. "I know, Quisty. But DAMN... I don't wanna see you leave!"  
  
He actually started crying then. Crying! I never ever once in my life would think that Zell would cry. He really didn't want to see me leave. "Zell," I whsipered. "I don't want to go either."  
  
"Then why don't you stay Quisty? We all love you and need you here."  
  
This was going to be hard to explain. But a little white lie wouldn't be so bad now is it? "My..My family needs me. I'll come back and visit. I love this place, it's been so nice to me and like a second home, so I'll come by and visit. Every other weekend. Is that alright?"  
  
Zell sniffled so much it almost broke my heart. His puberty years were almost done but he still acted like a needy child. I always loved his innocense, a quality in him that always made me feel a bit superior, but not in a bad way of course. Hugging him close, I murmered the words that my Matron of years ago said to me to comfort him, and he stayed with me for about a half hour before he realized he had some training to do.   
  
"I'm updating my gloves today Quisty! You gotta see them!" He almost shouted at me in happiness. I merely nodded and scooted him out of my room, saying I had more to pack, and using the word 'unmentionables' to get rid of him. Again, his face paled and he nodded dumbly, and lef tmy room with a hastey good bye.  
  
An hour passed, and I had only seemed to zip up on suit case and throw it in a corner. Sitting on my bed I sighed, and breathed in the clean scent of my room. I was going to miss this place. And I can't lie to myself as well as I could lie to Zell. I will always know the true reason behind me staying behind. Bcause I killed a little boy and a little girl with my negligence, and cost the Garden a lot of money, so much they might be in debt for years, and there was no way I could ever pay them back with out seling myself to the devil or Hyne himself. Again, I sighed, and looked at the gorund. Feeling was about to make me cry, until i heard a knock on my open door. Snapping my head up, I saw one of the new kids there, Squall Leonhart. His hand was still in the knocking position and the other one was stuff into his pocket. The lone wolf himself. I was shocked to actually see him there. He was the second to last person I expected to come see me.  
  
"Squall?" I asked, not believing my eyes.  
  
He nodded, and looked around. I got the drift. As much as a lone wolf the guy was, he sure as hell wasn't rude. "Come in, Squall."  
  
Stepping inside, I noticed his walk. Somewhat sexy, but also looked painful to attempt to mimick. The walk of the Lone Wolf. I laughed at my joke. Squall looked at me funny, and I raced to explain.  
  
"Just a joke I thought of. Come on, have a seat." I patted the place beside me and scooted farther away. I watche dhim as he sat down. he had gorgeous blue eyes, a color a few shades lighter then my own, and I envied him. I had always wished my eyes weren't so cyan, more blue, like his. Like a crashing ocean water, reflecting everything around him, mimicking it in the iris. I remember once he was practicing Fire magic, and he almost burned his hand, letting it aflame. but I watched his eyes when he did it, and what I saw was the exact same flame burning inside his eyes. It made me scared, for a moment, but it did deepen my feelings for him. I don't know what I felt for him anymore, whether it was love or admiration, but I do know one thing, that it wasn't mutual.  
  
"So." He whispered. He was never one for talking.  
  
"Yes?" I asked him. "Is there something you need?"  
  
Squall just shrugged. "Just saying goodbye Quistis."  
  
"Well say it." He may be a lone wolf, the silent type, but he sure is one to procrastinate.  
  
"Just wanted to say goodbye. And good luck." He turned to me and held out his hand. "It was great working with you, Quistis."  
  
"You too." I said. Not very emotional are you?  
  
"Yeah. Well. Bye." He said, picking himself up and walking out of my dorm room with out letting me have a word in.   
  
Some what of a jerk, isn't he?  
  
I sighed and pulled out anothe empty suicase and waited for someone else to show up. About an hour went by and he didn't so I started packing the last things in my suitcase.  
  
It wasn't until I had packed the very last things in my possesion did I hear heavy footsteps in the hall. I didn't know who they were, but I figured they'd be the headmaster's, reminding me when I was leaving. He didn't have to, since he was driving me to Balamb the hext day, early morning. Sudenly I felt scared. I was leaving this place after only one failure? Why? Because I am the failure? That's the only reason. Even the headmaster tried to convince me other wise. But he can't. He can't lie very well. I look out my window with my back to the doorway, which Squall was kind enough to leave open. Thanks Squall. Sarcasm.  
  
"Huh. Just like a woman to not be ready for anything, eh Trepe?"  
  
The first one who held the spot on my 'would never show' list. "Seifer Almasy?"  
  
There he was in all his glory. What glory there was. The Instructors always yelled a him to get a decent hair cut, and some how lose the chin length cut he'd sometimes pull back into a stubby ponytail. Sometimes when I wanted to give him a little misery i'd yank the rubber band from his hair and watch it fall around his face. He would turn to me and glare, snatching the band from my hand. I don't know ifhe liked me very much, but since he was one major trouble maker, I don't think it was in his persona to attempt to like much of anyone. Except for his two constant companions, Fujin and Raijin, he never talked to anyone else unless he considered them at his level. Squall and him were like different sides of the same coin, Seifer, with his head full of himself and Squall, always having to watch his tail. It never fails to place those two in the same room and have them suddenly at each other's throats. But that wasn't the point now. I sighed and turned away from him, looking at my unpacked gear. Seifer Almasy. Just what was he doing here? And with out his little..Posse?  
  
Seifer walked in, and closed the door behind him, slowly. I heard the click of a lock too. Why he would be okcing my door was beyond me. When I looked back at him, he was leaning against the locked door, preventing any route of escape I could perform. That sort of annoyed me, so I pushed my glasses   
back on my nose and glared at him, with my fists on my hips.  
  
"What do you need?" I asked. My voice betrayed an annoyance I didn't feel.  
  
I don't know if I hit a cord or not, but his eye did twitch slightly. Shaking his head, he smirked. "I just don't believe the great Trepe of Galbadia Garden is taking off."  
  
I sneered at him. "I'm not from Galbadia anymore, jerk."  
  
Seifer feigned pain, by gripping his chest. "Oh no! Did the malacious Trepe fling an insult my way? Oh the pain!"   
  
Growling I turned away from him and resumed my packing. Not that I had much anymore to pack. I heard him sigh, but also noticed he was closer to me. "Hey. I'm sorry Trepe. Sheesh, don't get emotional on me."  
  
I groaned and sat down on my bed, still fuming at him. Pushing my glasses back up my nose I stared at the floor, and waited for him to say his piece.   
  
"Look, Trepe. I didn't mean harm or nothing." He almost whispered. But with the silence of the room I could hear him perfectly.  
  
"Then why are you here?" I asked. He seemed abit taken aback by my bluntness.  
  
"I just wanted to say so long, Trepe, don't get so damned defensive."   
  
I sighed, and looked at him now, shoving my glasses back up my nose. "Yeah, well.. I didn't expect you to come."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Just because it wouldn't seem to 'cool' of you to." I muttered, standing up. I picked up my suitcase and grunted, knowing that for the second time I over packed it, just like the last one. After I groaned again, I felt Seifer come around me to stand next to me silently, and moved my hands away from the handle. With some expertise, he groaned and lifted the suitcase himself, and looked at me, waiting for my next move. At first I admired the strength in his arms. Even with the black shirt he was wearing I could tell he was working to the max, with lifting my over stuffed luggage. I think black was his favorite color. He sure liked wearing it enough. Even now he wore black jeans with his shirt, and black tennis shoes that were worn in well. The only thing that even slightly had color on his body was the silver cross like necklace he wore. I pointed to the corner where my other case rested and he nodded, easing it over there and gently putting it down.  
  
"What are you packing, Trepe?" he mumbled, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Half the Garden's rock collection?"  
  
Even I had to laugh at that one. Seifer smiled at me and crossed his arms over his chest. I silenced myself and stared at him, and found myself really liking his smile, and his good natured looks. he was looking at the floor, smiling, and then he brought his green eyes to my blue ones and stopped smiling.  
  
"Why are you really going, Quistis?" Quistis. That was the first time I had ever heard him use my name. Usually it's Trepe, or sometimes, Stupid Cow whenever I've ripped the band from his hair. But Quistis..? No. I never heard that from him before.   
  
I turned away from him, pushing my glasses up my nose. I hated these stupid things, with their big ugly frames and stupid looking coke bottle lenses. They're designed to correct my vision for reading, but it would be a few months now before I could read with the nice pair I had alredy picked out, where the lenses weren't so damned thick. After trying them on for an hour, I knew that wearing these damned things would be worth the wait, at least. But I wasn't reading now. I took them off my nose and put them on my table. Sitting down I picked up a small figurine the Headmaster gave me on my birthday.  
  
"I'm leaving because my family needs me." I lied again. He shouldn't care anyways. He's Seifer Almasy.   
  
"You're lying Trepe." Back to Trepe again. I looked at him and frowned.  
  
"And how would you know if I was?" I glared at him.  
  
"Because I can tell when you lie."  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"  
  
"Yes!" I shouted at him, throwing my figurine across the room. It shattered into few thousand pieces, the sound piercing my eardrums. I winced. "You've never cared before, Seifer."  
  
Seifer, I noticed, flinches himself, his face growing dark. "I care."  
  
"You never showed it before." I mumble, sitting down. It's true. All he cared about was he, himself, and him.  
  
I felt him slither next to me in silence. I heard him reach up behind his neck and remove his necklace, unclipping the cross from it's chain. It was then I noticed that it wasn't one of those Hyne crosses, but a fire cross. I knew that those crosses were a rare find, and I envied him for a few moments. Sitting closer, he turned his upper body to face me and held the cross in his hand, shaking it gently. It wasn't very big, two inches from top to bottom at the most, but I loved it already.  
  
"Now look." He stated gravely. "You tell me the truth about why you're taking off, and you can have this." He stroked the bottom of the cross with his thumb. "I don't know if you want one, but it's.. y'know, special to me." Then he held it up by it's chain. "And I just want you to know that I'd be willing to give it up if you'd talk to me."  
  
I looked at the cross, and liked how the silver winked in the light. Taking a deep breath I pushed the pendant back to him, and stared at the ground. "I...don't need it."  
  
"Then take it. Like a gift." He murmered, taking my hand and pressing the cross into it. "But you might as well tell me anyways. Cause I know your family doesn't really need you."  
  
I frowned at him. "How do you know?"  
  
That damned smirk again... "I called your house to see if everything was okay. Ya know, when I put my mind to it I can really sound like the Headmaster."  
  
Scowling, I hit him over the head, and he sheilded himself from my blows. He was actually smiling and laughing now, which itself was a sight to see. At that moment, I realized neighter Squall or Zell had even bothered to ask me why I was leaving, or if they did they didn't bother to question my actions. That very thought made me freeze in mid punch and lower my arms, and face the floor once again. Seifer noticed, obviously, and asked me in a confused voice what was wrong with me ("Now?")  
  
So I told him. The true reason I was leaving. Just like that he opened up my heart and dug out exactly why I was leaving this wonderful place to drudge home. I revealed my fears, my failures, my horrid home life and my foster parents. I even told him about how I never even had a boyfriend, but I needed someone to be close to, but they all seemed too damned intimidated by me for some reason or another. I als revealed that I was adopted, an orphan at first, an unwanted child. During my confession, I started to cry, and he actually held me. Seifer Almasy, being sincere? I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't feel his arms around me that night. While I was crying, practically soaking his shirt through, he lifted a hand to stroke my hair, and whisper to me that it would be alright, and eventually sifted his fingers through my ponytail and gently yank my hair down, like I used to do with him. Just that motion, just that simple touch made me weep, it was so tender and loving in a way. I didn't know how to reciprocate, so I did the only thing I felt the need to do at that moment.  
  
I blew my nose in his shirt.  
  
"Oh.. fuck.." I murmered, pulling away. "Damn.. I'm sorry, Seifer. I didn't mean to."  
  
Seifer growled at me and pulled away, standing up. "...I guess it's alright. Are you going to be alright now?"  
  
I modded, wiping my nose with a kleenix from my dresser. Seifer nodded, staring at the darker spot on his shirt.  
  
"Look, I'll see you off tomorrow okay? I have to get back to my dorm anyways, or the Instructor's will have my ass. Early turn in, they call it."  
  
Sadly, I nodded up at him. I really didn't want him to leave. "Yeah. You're still on probation aren't you?"  
  
Seifer pursed his lips together, and smiled. "Yeah. Take it from someone who knows. Never slip a deformed toad in your teacher's desk. What do they do? Always find out. I swear.." He ran a hand through his hair then. "I know damned well Zell told. Whatta chicken wuss."  
  
I chuckled then and looked at my alarm clock. Seeing the time, I swore. "Damn it, Seifer wait."  
  
He looked at me with his hand on the door knob. "What?"  
  
Clearing my throat I looked at him. "What time are you supposed to be back to your dorm?"  
  
"Nine. Why?"  
  
I lifted my clock and showed him the red digital numbers. "It's ten thrity."  
  
"Ahh FUCK." He almost shouted. "Are you sure? Positive? Your clock just doesn't happen to be an hour and a half fast?"  
  
I shook my head sadly, and he swore and glared at the floor. With out looking at him I said in a voice that surely wasn't my own "Why don't you stay the night here?"  
  
He turned to me in shock and confusion, and I hastily tried to explain myself. "Look, I don't want you getting in trouble for something as stupid as saying goodbye to me. It's just stupid. So stay the night here." I held out my hand to him. It was wrapped with the silver fire cross he had just given me. "If you do stay I'll give you back your necklace. How can you refuse an offer like that?" I silently pleaded he wouldn't.  
  
I was right. Seifer let go of the knob and sat back down on my bed, breathing a sigh of relief. "Thanks Quistis."  
  
Smiling I nodded. Then I twinged just slightly. The spot where I blew my nose on his shirt was soaking wet and to his skin. It had to be very uncomfertable, wearing a shirt full of snot. Seifer noticed my wince and looked down to the damp spot on his shirt and curled his lip in disgust.  
  
"Thanks for the shower, Trepe." He snivvled playfully. "Just what I need."  
  
"Hey," I barked at him. "You were the one comforting me, so there."  
  
"Yeah." Seifer chuckled. "I'm gonna take this damned thing off before it gets stiff and I have a permanant reminder that you only prefer me as your handkerchief." he replied to me, and pushed two thumbs underneath his shirt.  
  
I smiled and watched him undress. Sometimes I wish I didn't, turned my head somewhere else, my eyes elsewhere. But I couldn't actually. The only decent thing you COULD do was look away, but I was almost sixteen, and I had more then enough of the hormones to prove it. I eyed his chest. It wasn't totally well built, slightly flabby, but only noticable when he leaned over to pulled his shirt over his head. When he straightened up and cracked his neck (the sound made me twitch) his stomach and chest were taunt, muscular, with just the slightest tinge of hair in all the right places. He may have been half past fifteen, I pondered, but hell he's got the chest of a man. I mentally compared it to Squall's bony build, and Zell's over muscular abs and found that I actually preferred Seifer's body. I wanted to smack myself. Thinking of Seifer Almasy like that? How sick can I be? As sick as an up and coming sixteen year old can be. Still gazing at him, my eyes trailed down from his chest (which I might add was great on my eyes) to his navel, where a glinting diamond stud caught my attention. Frowning, I looked back up to his face regretfully and was surprised to see him smirking at me. Ignoring his leering gaze, I worked up the guts to ask him about the diamond stud in his stomache.  
  
Pointing to it, I inquired "Seifer, when did you get that pierced?"  
  
He looked down at his stomach and grinned, looking almost like one of those beef cake men in those calanders. "Oh this old thing? Remember when I got put on probation last year and the teachers wouldn't reveal why?"  
  
I nodded. "Well, you're looking at it, Trepe." He said, and wiggled his stomach at me.   
  
I couldn't help it. I started to laugh. The sight was hilarious, and Seifer started to think so too. he rubbed his temples and snickered, along with my howls of laughter, and suddenly I felt good. Happy. Wonderful. I never knew that Seifer Almasy could stroke these feelings in me. I never gave him the chance to. Silently, I promised myself to at least write him a letter a few times a month, like I had promised Zell, to let him know I was alive, and the Headmaster, just to inform Cid of how I was doing. But I think for Seifer I'd send him letters just to let him know that I still cared.  
  
He looked at me while I was still laughing. He silenced his chuckles before speaking to me. "What are you laughing at?"  
  
I pushed my hands to my mouth. "Nothing!" I mumbled, holding tight to my lips.   
  
Seifer smirked at me and looked down to his pierced navel."Oh this?" he chanted, touching it with his finger. "What's so funny about it? Hmm?"   
  
I resumed my stare, but this time I was smiling. "Did it hurt to get it pierced?"  
  
"Nah." He said, shaking his head. "More like a dull ache. Hurt worse when I laid down though. Slept in a fetal position for a few weeks after that until it healed." He smiled. "Why? You interested in getting one done?"  
  
I admit I had never thought of one, but his looked really nice. "Sure, maybe." I lied. "Well not really. I just wanted to know if it hurts is all. Does it feel weird when someone touchs it?"  
  
He stepped closer to me now and took my hand, placing it on his belly. "Let's see, ummmm no."  
  
I smiled, and trailed my fingers over his navel. I sure did like how the diamond glinted in the light, though, but I liked more at how his skin felt   
underneath my finger tips. It was slightly rough, like sanded wood, but I still liked the feel of it. Unknowingly, I grazed my nails over his toso and he hissed outloud. The sound made me snap out of my endeaver, and I removed my hand, only to have him take it in his own. Sitting next to me, he leaned leaned over and hugged me, hard again his form, and wouldn't let go until he felt my arms wrap around his neck. He held me there for a while, not saying a word until I tried to pull away, but his embrace kept me there.  
  
"I don't want you to go, Quistis." He murmered sadly. I felt a double meaning in those words.  
  
"I have to Seifer. I can't stay here." I whispered against his neck, feeling the water works were going to start again. "I don't have anything here anymore."  
  
He pulled away from me then, keeping his face low for a few moments before tilting it upwards to stare at me. "You're serious? You have your friends here. Your life here. You can always take another SeeD test if you feel that was the problem."  
  
I shook my head, and gritted my teeth. A bad habit I formed when I didn't want to cry. "No, I don't. Because of my mistake two innocent kids died..."  
  
"Who didn't heed the warnings." He interrupted.   
  
"..The Garden lost a lot of money to the mother.."  
  
"Money doesn't mean a damned thing. Besides, Cid can earn twice the amount with one major SeeD mission." He continued. Using his finger to lift my chin to make me face him, he smiled weakly. "Are you going to start the water works again?"  
  
I nodded slightly. "Maybe."  
  
"You need to laugh, Trepe." He smirked, and I felt his hands trailing low from my abdomen to my ribs. "Let's see something.."  
  
"What?" I asked. How stupid could that be? Where were his hands, Quistis? "Oh no, Seifer don't..!"  
  
Before I knew it he was tickling me, using his hands on my sides to bring laughter from my throat loudly. I screached, falling sideways onto my bed, and soon he was on top of me, holding me down gently while still tickling me. He was laughing too, as I playfully slapped him and begged him to stop after each time I could catch my breath. Using what strenght I had left, I motioned my leg to his side and turned him over, enjoying hearing him yelp in suprise. Climbing ontop of him myelf, I started harassing his ribs with my hands, making him yelp the same way he made me just a few seconds ago. His cries for help went unheard by me or anyone, and I continued my assault on his body while he lost his breath again and again.  
  
"S..STOP TREPE!" he squealed. I decided not to, instead went lower tickling his stomach.  
  
"No way! You made me howl, so now I'm returning the favor!" I said to him, keeping up my riot act.  
  
He shocked me then by biting down on his lip, and throwing me off guard, to his side and faced me, holding onto my wrists tightly in his hands. I was still trying to stifle my giggling, and he was smiling, staring at me with his beautiful emerald green eyes. We were both exhausted from our little tryst, and at the time it just felt right to lay there and stare into each other's eyes and not think about the future. Seifer lifted a hand again, and tenderly stroked my hair away from my face again, and letting out a breath, trailing his eyes over my face.  
  
"I don't want you to go, Quistis.." Back to Quistis again. I loved how my name sounded on his tongue.  
  
"I don't wanna go either.." I whispered back to him. "But I have to.."  
  
I turned away from him then, staring at the ceiling. In the dim light of my room, where I had only lit one lamp, the shadows seemed to play tricks on the walls, enticing me into following the trails they led. Seifer stead still for a moment, not saying a word, until he suddenly, gently, came ontop of me, looking at me like a lost puppy, and stared into my eyes again. "Can I ask one ting of you, Quistis?" He murmered again. His hand cradled my face, not letting me look away.  
  
"What is it..?" I asked, fully knowing what he wanted. I wanted it too.  
  
He took a deep breath before answering, and inching his face to my own. "Give me tonight.." he whispered. Then he kissed me.  
  
I gave him that night. And much much more. We lost eachother's innocense to one another in a matter of an hour or so, delving into eachother's solitude. We were both as unexperianced as anyone could be, which surprised me. I always figured him to be the male playboy of Balamb Garden, swooning, loving and leaving them. But when I felt him searching, I knew that he knew just as much about sex as I did. Which wasn't very much at all. Yet as inexperianced as he was, he made the moment pleasurable for himself as well as me, which was more then I could ever owe to any lover I had since then.  
  
In those moments we shared I loved him like no other. I felt him love me too, but I could have been wrong. Either way, I don't want to think about it anymore, other then what it actually was. His last goodbye to me.   
  
The next early morning I woke up at around six. His arms entangled around me, holding me close, made it difficult for me to move. So as easily as I could, I disengaged from his grasp and as quick as I could showered and dressed, taking my suitcases outside to where I saw the headmaster walking down the hallways. I looked back at his sleeping face, and no longer felt the emptiness I was feeling for a while. Softly, I gave him a last lingering kiss on his sleepy lips and escaped from my dorm fro the last time. I knew immediately that I would never get to write those letters to him now...  
  
But back to the present now. The ogre had be cornered in the bar, sneering at me. At least he wasn't touching me, Hyne forbid, or I would have dearly thrown up. Closing my eyes and bracing myself for the blow the jerk would have definetely given me, I was shocked when all I felt was a spur of a breeze and heard the jerk groaning in pain. Cracking my lids open, I widened my stare when I saw the asshole on the ground, gripping his crotch as if in a flurry of pain. My savior, my hero as it were was standing above him, and, if my memory served me right, he was wearing a male SeeD uniform, the jacket covering a pair of large broad shoulders, and blonde hair sticking upwards, in a style that reminded me of..  
  
"Zell..?"  
  
The young man, short with a huge stocky build snapped around and looked at me. It was Zell alright, except now he had an interesting tribal tatoo on his face. Staring at me with his sky blue eyes he suddenly grinned, and I felt a sudden nostalgia wash over me. He didn't lose his hundred watt grin, when he had to be well over nineteen now, and it made me just glad to be in the same room as he was right now. Me, I was twenty one now. Going on Twenty two.  
  
"Quisty? Oh geeze gal!" He nearly shouted, stepping over the red faced drunk to me. He used his large arms to hug me, hard, and pulled away. "Do you realize how long it's been?? Damn near six years woman!"   
  
I had to laugh at that, and pulled him back to me, holding him. "It has, hasn't it?" I murmered.   
  
Zell pulled away again and grinned, holding my hands in his own. "Damn straight woman! Geeze, what's wrong with you? Never called, never wrote, we were beggining to think you forgot all about us!"  
  
I paled at the thought. "We...?"  
  
"Yeah!" Zell whooped happily, dragging me to sit down. "Squall, the Headmaster, hell even Seifer wondered where you were! He was walking around like a zombie for a few months after you left, and checked the mail everyday for those letters you promised."  
  
My heart sank when he said that, but I kept my stature. "Zell, I'm sorry.. it's just that..."  
  
Zell's hand covered my own. "I know, Quisty. We read it in the papers about the Trepe family. Seifer was scared to death that you were one of the ones burned alive. We had to go to the cemetary afterwards to read the tombstones just to make sure your name wasn't on them." He sighed. "Only way to make him know that you were alive."  
  
I nodded, wanting to change the subject. "Where is everyone? You're not here alone are you?"  
  
He shook his head and grinned. "Hell no! I got a friend of mine Irvine, and his girlfriend Selphie with me. We're on a sorta vacation. Squall's here with his fiance Rinoa, since her dad lives here. You know, general Isaacariah Caraway?"  
  
I nodded. The general was a famed person here, living in that mansion across town. But was more surprised to hear that Squall actually had a fiance. Who would have figured, that lone wolf, the cold soul?  
  
"Yeah!" Zell chirped. "Also, Seifer's here too. He had a little fall out with the Garden a ew years back, but.." he cleared his throat. "He's a late comer SeeD now. An Instructor. Teaches the students who are eighteen to twenrty five, prepping them. It was his idea to start a class like that, just to make the ones who didn't join until they were full adults feel remidial to the younger classmen."  
  
I nodded, and motioned to my boss to let him know I was on my break, and listened as he spilled his story. I paled when he mentioned about Seifer's fall out with the Garden. I laughed when he spoke of Irvine Kinneas and Selphie Tillmut. And I smiled when he told me of Squall Leonhart and his fiance Rinoa Heartilly. He answered honestly when I asked him if he thought the last name was familiar, and he nodded, confimring that indeed Rinoa was Julia Heartilly's daughter. Squall marrying a singer's daughter? How profound. When I inquired about his romantic status, he indeed told me that he was dating a cute little librarian who loved reading and keeping her hair in a pigtail. He then told me that Seifer was still single, Raijin and Fujin were together, and Cid and his wife Edea where reknewing their vows in a few weeks, and would love for me to join the cerimony. I hastily agreed, reliving the beautiful nostalgia once again.  
  
He was about to embark on another tale of the Garden when the door opened. Zell turned to face the figure who walked in, and smirked. Politely excusing himself from our table, he stood up and opened his arms, walking to the door. Curiosity overcame me, and I turned around to look. Zell was talking to an obvioulsy older man, taller, another SeeD I could tell form the outfit. I saw Zell whisper to him, and the older man stiffened, and turned to face me.  
  
It was then when i saw those beautiful emerald eyes that I knew who he was.   
  
He had cut his blonde hair into an army like buzz cut, except a little longer, and gained a little muscle, but it was still him. Even his face had matured, from when he had the boyish good looks and charm, to now, the chiseled features of a man. A strict man, but a man. As if in a dream, a sound escaped from my throat and I stood up, walking to him. He seemed scared at first, running his tongue over his lips and breathing in a shallow way, but I can't say I didn't feel the same. I still can't believe that after all these years I still felt the same. I thought I had buried those feelings along with the deaths of my family members but I guess I left them out in the old, unburied recess of my mind. As it were, I had no idea if I was going to explode, or not. Hell, I didn't even know how I was going to say hello. I mean, do I hug him or shyly smile? I'm not subtle, but just running up and wrapping my arms around his neck like a lifeline wasn't going to do either of us any good. I don't even know if he's angry or not. Either way I still felt the same fear I had when that pathetic drunk was after me.  
  
It was strange, I admit that. He held out his hand and refused to look at me, instead trailing his eyes around the bar. Suddenly feeling self concious, I took his large hand (had he grown that much in six years?) in my own and shook it, whispering his name. It wasn't until I spoke did he finally look at me, but did a smile cross his lips? Barely. Not knowing what to do, I lifted my other hand to his cheek and made him look at me straight on in the eye. To my surprise he didn't struggle, and in the background, I heard Zell check his watch and mutter about having to go meet his Librarian honey for dinner. Well, I guess he felt the tention in the room as well.  
  
After seeing him to the door, I turned back to Seifer and smiled. "Fancy seeing you again."  
  
Instead of smiling, he just curtly nodded and asked for a drink.  
  
Stepping behind the bar I picked up the hose and set a glass down, filling it with ice. Popping in a cherry, I made him a Shirly Temple, since I knew damned well he wasn't old enough to drink if I was twenty one.He was nearing the right age, but not yet. Placing the glass on the bar and popping a straw in it, I smiled as he lifted it to his lips and took the straw out, placing it on a napkin.  
  
"How've you been?" I asked. I wish I didn't. He glared at me over the edge of his glass so harshly I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.  
  
"Where the fuck have you been?" He hissed at me. His features didn't soften even when I winced.   
  
"I've been busy." I replied curtly, lifting a glass to clean it. "I-"  
  
"Don't. Don't even, Trepe. You said you'd visit. We haven't seen or heard from you since you took off." He snarled.   
  
Sighing, I put down my glass and looked at him. "Look. I'm sorry. There isn't a damn way I can explain it. Alright? Except to say that.." I trailed off. Please don't make me finish, Seifer.  
  
"Say what? You forgot? You didn't want to? Just spill it Trepe, I don't have all fucking day." Since when had you become so cruel?  
  
I mumbled the answer so low he couldn't hear. Leaning over the bar slightly, he snivvled at me "Come again, Trepe? Will you talk normal for once?"  
  
Taking a deep breath, I repeated myself. "Because I was ashamed."  
  
He stopped then, silencing himself. It was uncomfertable with out any noise between us, and I thanked the Hyne when he spoke again, this time in a softer voice. "Why?"  
  
So it was my turn to talk now. Instead of speaking directly to him, I spoke mostly to myself, just so I could convince myself I was alone. "My father was a cripple. My siblings where born addicted to booze. My mother was a drunk who killed herself and two others in a car accident. I came home to nothing. Instead of enjoying my youth, I had to get a job and support my welfare ridden crippled father and my younger siblings in our two bedroom shack. I couldn't finish school, I don't have a damned education, and most of my money went to support my father's cocaine addiction. He fell asleep with a cigarette in his mouth and burned down our house, killing my younger brother and sister. The insurance was barely enough to cover the funeral expenses, so I moved here, slept in my car, and got this charming job."   
  
Waving my hand around the bar, I saw him out of the corner of my eye grow pale. "And that, Seifer my dear, is the story of my life. I lost most of my damned soul due to this whole mess, and my two roomates keep stealing from my jewelry box and pawning it for drugs. Most likely, I'll be strung up with them, even though the most dangerous thing that has ever gone through my system is the drink you're gulping down right now."  
  
Seifer looked at his drink and sighed, setting it down. I saw him pick out a notepad from his pocket and scribble something on it, and then pull a few bills from his wallet and leave them on the bar. Staring at him, I tilted my head to the side and frowned.   
  
"What's that?" I asked, taking the napkin in my hand.  
  
"My hotel room number. And cellphone. Call me." He deadpanned. I stared at him  
  
"Why?"   
  
Shrugged, he pulled his eyes away from me again. "Just call me. I teach the late comer classes at Balamb Garden."  
  
Oh, now I knew where he was getting at. "You want me to rejoin Garden? After six years?"  
  
Now he looked at me, in slight frustration. "I wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't. You had one fine hadn with a whip, Quistis Trepe. You were   
good. I don't know how good you are now, but if you want to get out of this over priced hell hole, then give me a call. I'll be staying in Deiling until Monday, and I'm betting you will have the weekend to think it over." He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly growing red. "I have to get going. I'll be in the hotel by nine, and asleep by probably eleven, so you've got a two hour time span. Don't screw this chance up, Quistis."  
  
With that, not even a goodbye escaping his lips, he stood up and headed to the door. I called after him, and ran from inside the bar to him. "Seifer, wait."  
  
Stopping in his tracksk, he turned to me. "Yeah?"  
  
I tried not to pout. "You didn't even say good bye."  
  
Seifer surprised me once again, this time by smiling. "Because I know damned sure, that fi you're the Quistis Trepe I remember from that night in your room.." He winked. "..This won't be the last time I see you."  
  
He turned on his heel and walked out of my life.   
  
When the time rolled around for me to go home, I was happy enough to know that my roomates were passed out on the couch with their usual highs. As I laid down in my rickety bed, I stared at the ceiling for almost an hour, wondering about Seifer's words. Rejoining the Garden. I would proobably be hereald as a newcomer again, and have to rework my credit status once more. But what if I didn't? What if i joined again and just went straight to the SeeD mission status? That would be a kick, wouldn't it?  
  
I sighed again and looked to my bedside. Even if I wasn't going to rejoin the Garden, I wanted at least one decent conversation. I picked up the phone and dialed the numbers, and said the correct room number, and felt a chill go up my spine when he answered.  
  
"Seifer?"  
  
"...Trepe?"  
  
"Yeah.. I thought about your words.. and I want to take you up on it."  
  
"...Alright. One question."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What took you so long?"  
  
Even I had to smile at that. "Don't know."  
  
"Wish you called earlier. I was feeling lonely." That young fifteen year old was back in his voice. How I missed him..  
  
"Doesn't matter Seifer." I breathed into the phone. I smiled, and knew full well he could feel it.   
  
"Oh it doesn't?" he playfully chided.  
  
"No.. It doesn't." I said, sitting up in my bed. "I'm coming home."  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
A/N: **Bangs head hard on the keyboard.** I tried. I tried not to make this a Quiefer story. I tried. BUT *bang* I *BANG* love *BANG* them *BANG* as *BANG* a *BANG* COUPLE!!!!!!   
It's in my blood. I can't help it. I can't..   
Anyways,. review it. *innocent smile* 


	5. What if...? Squall and Rinoa where broth...

I playfully swipe Squall's hair away from his face, and tweak his nose my endearing little brother. He brings his watery blue eyes up and glares hard at me, still waiting to be treated like a child since he was well past seventeen. I giggle at him, and even he doesn't need to tell me that once again I'm acting younger then my age of twenty-two. He's seventeen, how could he have grown so old so fast? Sometimes, I wonder if we were switched at birth, then I remember our real heritage, or more likely, the one we didn't share.  
  
My name is Rinoa Heartilly. I took my mother's last name since my real father wasn't around. My mother, Julia, was a singer before she died when I was five years old. A drunk driver running the stop sign snuffed out her young life, left me motherless and General Caraway wifeless, a widower. I never really liked that term, Widow or Widower. Scratch that, I despise it. They are ugly words that remind me of spiders, spiders that take away everything from you in a filmy web of deceit. I shouldn't say that, be so harsh about it. It's just I hate that word. I also hate spiders. Bugs, yuck.  
  
Of course General Caraway isn't my real father. Laguna Loire is. Squall is my half brother; his mother's name was Raine. After Raine and Laguna married and had my little brother, General Caraway was contacted by Laguna, Squall's dad, and soon I was spending time with him, getting to know him, and loving my little brother more and more as each day passed by. There was another girl, Ellone, who proclaimed herself as Squall's Sis for a while as well, but she now lived with Laguna in Esthar. Raine died when Squall was really young, so I begged General Caraway to let him live with us until Laguna found his way back from his mission. We actually became close during that time, when the time his father spent away turned into years. I actually delved deep inside his heart, his soul then, and we became more then just brother and sister. We became good friends.  
  
I don't call Laguna Loire my father. I can't. No matter how many times he tried to buy my love. He wasn't there to raise me since birth, like General Caraway was, so I can't call him father. The most I could say was 'Laguna' now, instead of Mister Loire like I used to. I just can't seem to place him in the Daddy stage now, and I don't think I ever will. Deep in my heart I think he feels the same, because so far he hasn't made any attempt to change my feelings on him. Someway, I'm sad about it, but in other ways, I'm not because I realize that this is just as hard, if not harder for him then it is for me. Knowing he has a daughter, but not knowing how to bring it about to me, but I always knew who he was. Squall and I both had his watery blue eyes except I looked more like General Caraway, and he, more like Raine.   
  
He looks at me now and smirks, a rare smile forming on his lips. Ever since his mother died, and Ellone left to Esthar, Squall rarely smiles. He's always out there swinging his gunblade, one he worked hard to save money for. I can tell he has excellent talent for it, even if he's never been taught. Just the way he can swing with out missing a beat, and actually make a fluid dance routine with it. Watching him is like watching poetry, vivid words imbedded in your mind and you find yourself craving more. Sometimes I have to stop myself from begging him to teach me how to use the blade, instead opting for my own defense a projectile type weapon. Hyne was good to me and granted me the strength to hold, launch, and catch my Pinwheel with ease, with only a few minor mistakes and some slight cuts on my forearms. No matter, I can always wear gloves, or those lovely armbands I made. I created them by years of knitting classes and sky blue yarn, and trust me when I say this, but it took more then a few tries to get the sizes right.   
  
I mumble to myself, singing a song by my mother (Eyes on me, her one hit wonder) while we wait for the train from Timber. I feel Squall's water like eyes on me, and I turn to see his face, gleaming, smiling, so handsome and adorable, innocent and loving all at once I can't decide whether I want to weep or smile.  
  
"Hey, sis, need a piggy back ride?" He asks me. I'm only five foot three, a small-framed girl for twenty-two, but he's almost five foot nine, with a strong build and even stronger arms. I guess I was the first-born runt of our pair, and he always teased me because of it. He may be younger, but he is stronger then me.   
  
"Sure, on your knees, little brother." I laugh at him. Squall proceeds to do just that, kneeling down as if by a princess. In a way I guess I am. I know that Zone and Watts, two friends of ours, call me the princess of our little group, the Forest Owls. The Forest Owls are a liberation front we called ourselves, for Timber. I started it out and Squall joined soon afterwards, wanting something to 'escape from boredom' and saw the Timber Owls as a way of refuge. Since I am the only female of the Owls, everyone started calling me the princess. I can't say I'm overly fond of the word, I've always felt more like a fighter then a princess, but I don't disengage them from it. At the moment we are waiting to be taken to Timber, and liberate them from the grasps of Galbadia. Nice to say General Caraway doesn't like it, since he is the leader of the Galbadian Army, but in some ways, I don't care. I do care that I'm hurting him, but the liberation of a whole town is much more important than the disappointment of my stepfather.  
  
Climbing onto Squall's back, I feel his arms lace underneath my legs and pull me securely against his back. He motions for me to get our weapon bags, and I proceed to do just that, throwing both of them over my shoulders and securing them to my waist. I could feel the sharp corner of my Pinwheel poking my side, but I ignored it. Squall carried us both to the train, and set me down, and together we waited. Watts and Zone where already in Timber waiting for us, and I spoke with Squall about what we were to do.   
  
"So, brother, we wait until the SeeDs come aboard, am I correct?" I whisper, looking form side to side.   
  
Squall pulls out his Gunblade, a revolver style model and smiles at me. "Yeah. SeeDs."  
  
"You like that term?" I asked him. Crossing my legs I lean back to stare out the window of our compartment. Out of the corner of my eye I see him smile.  
  
"Yeah. I was thinking of..." He trailed off then. Poor guy. I knew he wanted to join SeeD. But he was always pegged as the Lone Wolf, and I doubt he could be a very good team player. He seemed to only trust Sis, himself, and me sometimes, and even told Laguna that he didn't want to join him in Esthar.   
  
"Joining Garden? Balamb, Galbadia, or Trabia?" I shouldn't have given him the option of Galbadia. We both despised anything with them now.  
  
"Balamb." He whispered, pulling out an oilcloth to shine his blade. "Balamb Garden. They're the only place that allows you to use guardian forces."  
  
"GF's?!" I cried out, louder then I wanted to. "Those things wipe your brain out! Your crazy Squall."  
  
"Says you, Rinny." He snarled at me. "I want to join Balamb Garden. I want to fight. I want to fight for the good of everyone, Rin-Rin." The nickname only he was allowed to say. "And you can't stop me. I deserve this, sister, because in my heart, I AM a SeeD."  
  
The tone of his voice was so pissed off that I stead silent. How could just the mention of something like that, get him so angry? Squall leaned back against his seat and stared out the same window I was. Neither of us spoke another word until we arrived in Timber.  
  
When we got off the train, we met up with Watts. He was grinning like a mad man, smiling at us, calling me Princess and Squall Sir. I almost laughed at how he blushed when he looked at me, smiling like a prim doll. He was so sweet, with his chubby cheeks and slight potbelly. I do think that sometimes I could fall for him, but he was too much younger then I. So whatever love interest I held for him, died as I grew older, even if I had known him for far more then five years. Zone was there when we entered the safe house of the woman in charge of the Forest Foxes. When he came, he smiled meekly at us and carried us over to the staircase, where her two little boys were. We shooed them out of the room and they, begrudged, agreed their business interrupted. I fell for their trick once, and lost a hundred gil to those little boys, but retrieved it once we commented about it to their mother.  
  
"Now." Zone began, kneeling in the corner. "Watts, you go down to the train station and get the Seeds. Make sure they give the right password, okay?"  
  
"Yes sir! Will do sir!" Watts then stood up and left the room, leaving Zone to us.  
  
"Us three will fill the new SeeDs in. I don't know how many they're sending, but let's hope it's enough okay?" Zone wiped his forehead with his palm, and smiled. "I'm sure it is. I mean we were desperate! But you guys better thank your lucky stars that I was able to contact Cid! Lucky for me I knew their best Instructor..." His eyes seemed to mist over then. I knew whom he was talking about. The blond woman he was seeing for a while. She was a SeeD at the time they met, but when she became an Instructor she broke off things with him, but remained friendly. Deep down I knew that he still wasn't over her. Quistis, I think her name was.  
  
"Yeah, Zone, we know." Squall chimed in, still stroking his sleek blade. "Besides, I just got a refill of ammo for this baby and I plan on using it."  
  
"Well geezers Squall, ya know we want to be discreet when we kidnap President Deiling." Zone snarled. "Well fight when it comes down to it."  
  
We spoke for a few more moments, talking with one another on our plans. It was the only way to fill the time until the SeeDs arrived. We talked in whispers about the plan, and how to tell it to them: Detach the right train car, and connect it to our dummy car. Squall and I had just finished making up the false President mannequin, and were actually quite proud. It looked exactly like him in our eyes, and the recorded sound spoofs, made by Squall where almost the correct frequency. He was so mechanically inclined it scared me, but then I knew he had gotten that particular ability from Laguna something else beside his watery blue eyes.  
  
Watts knocked on the door and said the pass. I stood up to let him in, and grinned at his sheepish smile. Gently pushing past me, he looked behind him and called out 'It's safe!' to who I presumed where the SeeDs. Zone stepped back outside, and ushered them in.  
  
I counted the heads that came in…four of them. One of them was a short, stocky built young man, with high standing hair that made him seem taller. A black shiny tattoo crossed his features, and studying his face, I noticed he couldn't be more then sixteen, seventeen at the most. His boyish good looks where accelerated when he smiled, and he tipped his forehead at me. I took notice of his baggy pants and t-boarder like personality and smiled, but secretly wondering just what this boy's weapons where exactly. My eyes drew down to his hands and I realized exactly what they were. Ehrgeiz gloves. The red leather and exquisite designs surprised me almost as much as the lavish tattoo on his face did. They were beautiful, I say that, but made for fist-to-fist combat. Stepping to the corner, the young man started to gingerly pump his fists into the air, hyping himself up for the mission ahead. Seeing me again, he grinned and said "Hiya!" in a matured deep voice.  
  
I mouthed the words to him, and watched as a young waif like girl, even smaller then I was, stepped in. She was dressed in a yellow sundress; too short for any normal female but this young woman seemed to be able to pull it off. Her hair was flipped at the ends, and I envied its natural wave. My hair has always been too thick and heavy to curl, but with her it seemed normal and able. She had big green eyes and a pixie like smile that seemed to engulf her face, and dimples. My face is voice of dimples. She's so cute it's sickening. When she said her hello to me, her voice was exactly as I thought it would be: High, and sprite like, reminding me of a fairy. Her back held a type of Nunchaku, tied to her shoulder blades. I recognized them as the Crescent Wish, with a star on one end and a moon on the other. Second best weapon of that sorts ever composed.   
  
Another man walked in, much taller then the two before him. Short cropped blond hair, flawless face and features, large muscular build, not as much muscle as the other blonde, but enough. He sure was good looking, and I caught myself staring him up and down, from head to toe, and then kicking myself because I felt like a pedophile. New come SeeDs aren't adult yet, so this one could only be eighteen. An adult, but my own standards are that any man I be with must be older then me. Maybe I'm stepping back in time, but it's just how I feel. At his side he carried a Hyperion gunblade under his coat, and my eyes, as well as Squall's, were drawn to it. It was a sleek, dark metal, a rare kind, and had a hawk carved into it. It was downright beautiful, and I suddenly felt sorry for Squall, who was polishing his meager Revolver. The young man pulled his coat across his chest and smirked slightly, walking in and leaning against the wall. It was then I noticed the sides of his coat held two fire crosses, one on each sleeve. It scared me, to say the least.   
  
I turned back to the entrance and looked out, to see Zone speaking to a young blonde woman. She was a vision of beauty, with her slim arms crossed at her tiny waist, and every once in a while she would nod. She had a strange hairstyle, with all of it being pulled back into a flip like ponytail at the crown of her head. But she left two long blonde strips of hair down to frame her face, and I had to admit I wished I could get away with that. She was wearing a pink and maroon outfit, with big clunky boots, and a nice looking whip at her side. Drawing my eyes back to Zone, and seeing the glazed, blushing expression on his face, I realized that this woman was Quistis, the SeeD who split up with him when she became an Instructor. I could see why he would be strung up on her. She had a lot of accomplishments under her belt, along with keeping herself as pretty as she was.  
  
I stopped watching them and turned back in, and soon they came through the door. Zone was blushing every time he eyed her, but she trailed her steps towards the hunky blond who stood tall in the corner. I saw with dismay as she laced her fingers in one of his hands and reached up to whisper in his ear, and he smiled. Even if he was a nice ripe age, he was taken. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Zone's face fall sadly, then pick himself up again. Taking this as a cue, I decided to bring them up to date on the mission I paid them for.  
  
First, they introduced themselves. The younger blonde man stepped forward, grinning still and extended a hand. "Name's Zell! Zell Dincht. Nice t'meetcha!" He pointed towards the waiflike woman. "That's Selphie." Then to the tall man and Quistis. "That's Seifer and Quistis. Here at your disposal!"  
  
I smiled at him. He was a warm fellow wasn't he? I took them to the briefing room and proceeded to tell them about the plans. They disconnect the trains and reconnect them to our dummy cart, and even though the information was long and boring, they all got it the first time I said it. Pleasantly relieved I didn't have to repeat the long, boring lecture, we chose teams on who would do what. Squall opted to say that he would be the one to input the codes, of course, and Zone and Watts would stand watch. I won't bore you with the details of it, just simply say we connected the trains perfectly, with no flaws. It was hard at first, but we did it. After the car pulled to a complete stop, we, all of us, climbed in through the window to confront our enemy.  
  
President Deiling was laughing at us. Laughing? How could he be laughing at his demise? I was stupid to think he was laughing at such a trivial matter. Stepping up to him, I suddenly felt confident, smiling. This demon is done for. "President Deiling! You have been cited by the Forest Owls for your crimes! Is there anything you want to say?"  
  
To our surprise he started laughing. A cruel, harsh laughter that made my throat run dry and my heart ice up. I looked at Squall, who was brandishing his Gunblade along side Seifer, who had his weapon drawn as well. Quistis brandished her whip while Zell tightened his gloves, and Selphie stepped back, snapping her Crescent Wish into place. Stepping away from the blabbering form, his words fell on deaf ears as we were entranced in his transformation, from man, to... to... Hyne, to this day I still don't know.  
  
A dummy! That's what he was! I gasped, my hands gripping my lips hard when I realized that we had in fact been fooled. Stepping back, I wearily propped my arm upwards, blinking back my fear and shot my Pinwheel from its place. It proceeded to slash his arm, where a green, oozing erupted, with a foul stench of smoke and sulfur. Once it hit my nostrils, my untrained self-promtly threw up whatever I had eaten that day onto the floor. I felt scared and embarrassed, collapsing to my knees as the battle raged in front of me. Looking up from my position, I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Quistis, leaning down to me with a scared look on her face. I realized her fear was for me, not the battle, and I felt her hands helping me steady myself to my feet. She stood in front of me, and shouted over the loud clang of blades and fists against the demon, asking me if I was all right. Nodding my head, she smiled, and then proceeded to fight him as well, shouting over her shoulder to stay back and help when I could.  
  
The fight was long and hard, but it seemed we were actually going to win over this thing. When it fell to it's sloppy knees, we advanced, and I fell instep with Squall. We both seemed and felt a bit cocky, watching the monster writhe in pain at our feet. Suddenly, our surroundings came up from under our feet, and I screamed, ashamed to be the only one. Through the ruckus, I heard Seifer shout that the train was going to explode along with the dying carcass of the 'President' and that we should, must, evacuate as soon as possible. Gasping, I stood up and ran towards the others, who were grouped at the door. Squall ran ahead of me, and looked back at me to make sure I was right behind him. My brother, even though younger, always looking out for me…  
  
I tried to take another step and found I couldn't. Looking down, I screamed. That… thing's oozing hand was clasped around my ankle, not allowing me to run any further. Looking back, I saw Squall and Seifer running towards me, with the latter barking commands over his shoulder. Quistis nodded at him, fear etching her face while Zell and Selphie ran outside to fend the incoming guards. Closing my eyes I actually started to cry, fearing for my life as well as my brothers, cursing the day I joined the Forest Owls. Squall leaned down to me, and whispered for me to hold still, pulling my boot free from my foot. I stood up, on my toes, and let Seifer pick me up and carry me towards the exit. The car was raining on us now, and I feared for my life as well as everyone else's.  
  
Turning my head over Seifer shoulder, I once again screamed. Seifer gasped, my voice tearing his eardrum apart, and looked back as well. Squall, who was standing there, sighing in relief, was now being mauled by the dying zombie like creature right in front of my eyes. I heard everyone gasp, and I struggled from Seifer's strong grip, crying out for my little brother. Calling, shouting to him, I couldn't get free, and shouted in horror as the monster gripped his chest and slowly drove his claws in.  
  
"RINOA!!!!!!" He shouted, desperately trying to slice the monster that was ripping his body apart. "GO! JUST GO!! TELL DAD I WENT DOWN FIGHTING!! TELL HIM..." He gasped once more, coughing up a gurgle of blood. "TELL HIM... I LOVED HIM...!" The monsters claws... driving deeper now, entering his chest, and once again Squall coughed up a large blood clot, as he was being disemboweled. "Tell him… Tell Caraway... th…thank you..."  
  
I shouted, begging him to hold onto the last bit of life he held within his body, but realized I was out of the hand now. I gripped the side of the open door, watching as the horror unraveled before my eyes. The monster shouted in pain as Squall drove his Revolver style gunblade straight into its heart...  
  
...Just as its claws drove into Squall's chest.  
  
I screamed in agony, the whole sight tearing me from reality. My brother, oh Hyne, Squall, he was dying, he was dying! I begged Seifer to let me go, let me go back to get him, and when he finally set me down, his heavy palm slapped across my cheek, and his breath in my face. "Shut up Rinoa! He's dead! We can't go back to him! The car's being torched, if any of us go back, we'll die to! Is that what you fucking want?"  
  
I remained silent, as if in a daze. Strong, female arms gripped my shoulders and led me away. I looked up and saw Quistis, tears in her eyes as well as pity. But as she led me to the safe house, quietly, held against her strong form, I realized then I didn't want any of their pity, their fear.   
  
I wanted my brother back.  
  
That was so long ago. Now, as I stare down at your grave, Squall, planted in Balamb Garden's very own cemetery, I read and read the passage over and over again. I'm thirty years old now. You would have been twenty-five if you lived, and one of the best SeeD cadets that ever lived. Hyne, you could have made it to Commander, even Garden Master if you lived. After speaking with Cid Kramer, and having a few strings pulled, I had your buried here, in this place, where you wanted to be. I know it's not as good as you living the SeeD dream, but this is the best I could do. For you, my brother, I am living the dream of a SeeD. I'm an Instructor now, and have given up the Pinwheel for a Shooting star. It's beautiful, with gleaming metal feathers; I think it's something you would love to see.  
  
I know in my heart that some of these flowers around you aren't from me. I see some from Quistis Almasy. Yes, she did marry Seifer, and even though they didn't know you well, that one battle we came to know you as one of our own. She's pregnant now, with a boy. They asked me for permission to name it after you. I gave them that permission. I hope you don't mind. I see a potted plant from Zone and Watts, a few yellow daisies from Selphie Kinneas. She married a new comer, named Irvine, a playboy who loved her from the moment they met.  
  
I told Laguna what happened, and your last words. It's been almost eight years and he still hasn't stopped crying. He visits your grave every weekend, whether his schedule permits it or not. Every time I come here the monde afterward, I can feel the ground is wet with his tears.   
  
General Caraway was touched as well. He never knew you actually cared for him. Me either.  
  
They didn't know you well, the SeeDs, but they fought beside you, complimented your abilities, and understood us in the few hours we were together. Sometimes I think they just do it because of me, but when I dissuade them other wise, they merely tell me to hush, that even though you are my brother, you were also their fighter, and the one who saved us all from that monster. So in a way, we all became family during those select hours. Even you, Lone Wolf Squall....  
  
...Who sacrificed himself to save me, his sister...  
  
...So I could carry on our family name.  
  
So now, as I touch your gravestone, and run my hand along the length of the Revolver gunblade that Zell himself imbedded into the hard cement, I read once again the passage written in stone.  
  
"Squall Leonhart Loire"  
xxxx-xxxx  
SeeD rank 0  
He lived as a man and perished as a Lion  
In our hearts, he will always live.   
The Seed he perished too young to become.  
  
Beautiful.  
  
I turned on my heel and walked back to the flying planet we call Garden, and shed my tears on the way.  
  
It's been eight years...  
  
But I still miss him.  
  
  
  
  
  
*************  
Special thanks to Fly for beta reading.  
God bless you :) 


	6. What if...? Selphie and the others died ...

I can feel myself sweating in this damned itchy, yucky uniform. I can't wait to voice my anger over this scratchy outfit. But I can't do that right now. We're in the middle of a mission, a very IMPORTANT mission. I can't express it enough, say how happy I am that Squall chose us, me, to do this. All we have to do is infiltrate the missile base and all is done. All is over with. Spend a few moments tinkering with a few knick knacks inside the base and vavoom! We'll be done. All I'm worried about is getting caught. But ya know? I don't think we'll have any trouble. These Galbadian soldiers are stupid! But all I have to say, is if they even have the nerve to stop us, is this:  
  
Bring it on.  
  
The new guy, Irvine. I felt his hand on my shoulder nudge me along gently. Nodding from behind my helmet, I led them on.  
  
The name is Selphie Tillmut, formerly from Trabia Garden. I just got transferred here, to Balamb Garden, and I can't tell you how much that excites me! To actually be here, working with Garden Guardian Forces, and these new team mates at my side sure made me happy. I just wanna jump in the air and scream, Booyaka! But I can't right now or we'll get caught. My friends in the SeeD business are Squall and Zell. Squall is one of the most quiet people I've ever known, always trying to pass himself off as the strong silent type. Yet I can see under his skin, whether he likes it or not. I can tell he cares for us, as his friends, even if he won't voice it. No one can be that cold hearted, not even Squall! He was nice enough to show me around the Garden too, when I was got lost. Being the new girl in a Garden that big isn't funny! I'm a fighter by choice, and some call me a moron becuase I'm always looking for a great battle. Well, that's just me.  
  
On our first field mission I met Zell. He's funny! At first I was scared of the sinister looking tatoo on his face, (of course I didn't show it!) but his smile and his jokes warmed me right up to him. Even when he jokingly tried to push me off a freight elevator (I'm scared to death of heights!) I knew it was in jest. But that didn't stop me from trying to take him down with me! But after talking with him, being with him the the prison with our Instructor, I kenw that deep down he had the sweetest soul i had ever known. And I thought I was a hyper one! It's insanely funny at how he pumped his fists into the air infront of him, constantly shadowboxing with himself. I can still see him doing that. He's one of the only one's who can understand my urge to wreak havoc! With him, I know that after this is over we'll get along great, cause all we can do is shout at those who oppose us, Bring it on!  
  
And our Instructor. Who can forget Instructor Trepe! I sure can't, even if she isn't our Instructor anymore. I still think how unfair it was when she was stripped of her license. That was just booya-mean! I mean, I heard she was the greatest, that's why I specifically asked to transferred into her class. But after talking to her in the prison we were in, I got to know her, inside and out. I think she's tired of being herelded as the Great Quistis Trepe, I mean, who would want a legion of people following you, but never understanding you? Those Treppies as they were called were nothing but followers, in love with an image. I have to say, that even with a bunch of cute guys groveling at my feet, I'd like to know them instead of being an unknown. Her poor heart is scorned so bad. But she can work under pressure! That's why I asked Squall to let her come with me. She's elegant and graceful, and smart as the whip she cracks. But I still feel a little jealous, cause she looks better in that Galbadian get up then I do.  
  
"Selphie," Her elegant voice tells me. "Let's get going."  
  
"Alright! Booyaka!" I shout happily. I recieve a stern glare from Quistis, scarey even underneath the helmet. Oops I guess I forgot to mention she's always very serious!  
  
So we infiltrated the Missile base, with me leading. Me, being a leader! Irvine also tagged along with us. He seemed to know Galbadia pretty well, having attended the Garden here, so I figured he'd be a perfect help for us. He was less shakey now then he had been when he attempted to assassinate Sorceress Edea. Edea..Edea.. I can't help but think that the name is so familiar to me. It doesn't matter, though. I can't help but feel a little angry at him. If Irvine hadn't missed, we would have no need to do this mission. We come to a locked door, and Irvine hands me a card key. Slipping it through, we start running around, searching, until almost immediately we're caught. The soldier asks us a question, and Quistis nudges me aside answering it for me.  
  
"Okay. We'll help." She can disguise her voice as a man's better then anyone I know. The things I see in her!   
  
I hope I can get to know her better.  
  
Now we're being led through the door I wanted to go through. I hoped it would lead to the unit control base, but no. The leader of them commands us to push hard against it to place it in right ventricle. It's one of the missiles to be launched, so of course I'm apprehensive. I don't wanna do anything to make our mission harder, but in order to keep ourselves from being caught I had to do it. Shoving that damned thing was hard work, but with irvine and Quistis, it didn't seem so bad. After we were throught, I wished to wipe the sweat from my brow, but couldn't because of helmet, and soon I became cranky. This was going too damned slow. I wanted to fight! I had just upgraded to a Crescent Wish and I wanted some action. We trailed down the catwalks towards two guards, and tricked them into letting us work on their protocals for them. We were lucky that time, and I hoped we wouldn't encounter something like that again. We went back upstairs and scrambled towards the control panel, finally happy we were able to mess with something!   
  
"Hmm.." Irvine said. "We need a pass code, Selphie."  
  
"What?!" I shouted, losing some major cool right about now. "Damn it!"  
  
I feel Quistis' gaze burnbing on me and I turn to her "What is it?"  
  
"We were supposed to go up the stairs, you guys.." She mumbles. Damn. Oh well, time to blow the place to smithereens!  
  
Relieving the guard, we hurry upwards, then slow down a bit as not to arouse suspicion. Stepping heavy, or trying to, I ease up the stairs and see that we're not alone. The leader seems to be edgy to me, but I take it in stride. After all, that's all we've been doing since we got here!  
  
"Soldiers!" he shouts at us. I don't know why he sounds so suspicious? "What are you doing here?"  
  
I try to deepen my voice the best I could, but it sure ain't easy! "Umm.. We're here to relieve you guys from here and launch the nukes!"  
  
The Leader raises his hand, and I copy. Then all hell breaks loose.  
  
"THE INTRUDERS!" He starts screaming. Fuck, we're had! "I knew you three looked suspicious! That salute was all wrong!" He motioned to the other goons behind him to advance "GET THEM!"  
  
I couldn't believe it. A fight! Finally. Quistis and Irvine threw off their costumes, and I did the same. "Good! Whew!" I shouted gleefully. Air never tasted so good in my lungs! "That uniform was stinky anyways. Let's get 'em guys!"  
  
We advanced on them hard, and they advanced harder. It was so tough that I almost regretted wanting to fight, but we pursued on. Nothing was gonna stop us now, nothing will halt us from stopping that nuke! Every time I heard Irvine's gun fire off I smiled, and when Quistis countered an attack with a firey crack of her Red Scorpion, I almost laughed. These guys didn't know what the hell they were doing! I stood back for a few moments, with my Crescent Wish over my shoulders and watched as Quistis tripped one of the guards and smashed into his windpipe with the heel of her boot. She was a WONDERFuL fighter! Any move those goons made she countered perfectly, with precision that varied against all odds. I saw Irvine doing the same, rammingf the butt of his gun into the leader's stomach, causing him to keel over so he could once again slam him over the head. I smirked when the guard grunted and fell to his knees in pain.   
  
Straightening up, I stood up and started to run over to lend a hand until I relaized too late that one of the goons where behind me.  
  
"See how you like this!" He breathed on my neck. His arm came up behind me, and I blacked out.  
  
The first thing I felt when I came to was a cool liquid that tasted bitterly like a Phoenix down on my lips, and the realization that the fight was done. I opened my weary eyes and blacked back exhausted tears, seeing the faint sight of one good looking guy infront of me. With beautiful aurburn hair and hazel eyes, I felt my heart leap to my throat, and mentally reminded myself it had to be a dream. Soft fingers traced my chin, and my name was being called, in a dark low drawl that sent shivers up my spine. Murmering a smile, I reached up dreamily and cupped his chin as my vision cleared. "Mm...prince...ch'rmin'...t' m' res'cue..."  
  
My prince backed away a little, nervously. I shut my lids tight now, and reopened them slowly, and relaized that my princes was simply the former Galbadian Irvine, sans a hat. Great.  
  
After checking the goon's pulses, Quistis came running over to me, slipping her whip around her belt. Kneeling gracefully, she took my hand in hers. "Selphie?" her now sweet voices asked. "Are you okay hon?"  
  
Groaning, I pulled myself into a sitting position, with a little bit of Irvine's help. "Yeah.. I'm, okay now.."  
  
"You sure about that darlin'?" Irvine's deep drawl asks me again. I almost feel mesmerized by his voice. "If ya need to, you can rest up while Quistis and I fix up those Missiles right."  
  
That did it. No way was I coming all this way just to be slammed back into the shed and let these guys have fun. "No.." I grumbled, feeling a bit whoozy. "I can still help." Pulling msyelf to my feet, I trip on my own damned heel and fall back a little, only to let Irvine's strong arms catch me.  
  
"Hey.." I felt him whisper against my ear. "Careful there darlin'."  
  
Smiling, I shook myself awake, and cast a Cure spell on me to numb the effects of the bump on the back of my head. Running towards a control panel, I shouted to Quistis and Irvine to find the right control panel to stop the launch. I groaned in frustration as mine labled itself unapplicable, so I slammed my fist down on it instead. "Quistis?! How about you gal?"  
  
I heard her unlady like groan of frustration and her fists hitting the controls as well. "Nothing, Selphie. Nothing!"  
  
"I got it!" Irvine shouted happily. Squeeling, I ran towards him and shoved him aside, deciding for myself to change the destination of the missiles. Irvine snickered and Quistis sighed, and both of them moved towards the passed out guards, piling them into the corner. I smiled to myself as I hit the last switch, setting the time and shouted towards my friends that I was finished.   
  
Forty minutes. I timed it on my watch.  
  
Booyaka!  
  
We booked it outta there as fast as our legs could carry us. We didn't know how long those guards would be out cold, or when they would wake up.   
  
The sounds of the alarms going off shocked us, and I heard Quistis swear. That surprised me, she seemed to elegant to swear. Stepping over a fallen guard who was wounded too horribly for anyone, I ran towards the downstairs computer, clocked in, and realized that the guards from above had indeed changed the course back to what it was. And there was no way to fix it with out a card key. I wanted to cry. All our hard work for nothing! Banging on the control panel, I screamed, loudly, venting my frustrations in one shrill cry of insanity. Then I went all out on it, slamming it with my fists and kicking it hard. Quistis shouted at me to stop and irvine once again encasing me in his arms. Gripping the lapels of his shirt, I sobbed hard into his chest, bawling my eyes out and screaming about our failure.  
  
"It's not fair Irvine!"  
  
"I know, Selphie. I know. But there's nothin' we can do. We gotta get outta here before this place blows."  
  
I was about to let our another cry until the sound of a man groaning caught all our attentions. Turning away from irvine, I saw him, sprawled on the staircase. The guard we had stepped over like he was nothing. He mumbled something at us, and pulled a piece of plastic from his pocket. I was about to rip out Crescent Wish but Quistis stopped me with an elegant hand and walked towards him, kneeling down.  
  
"Are you alright?" I heard her ask him. he just merely shook his head and thrust the plastic towards her.  
  
"...n-no...i'm..hurt..too bad... just....here.... stop...the...." He stammered out. He suddenly went limp, and Quistis pulled him upwards, brushing his hair from his eyes.  
  
"Is there anything we can do for you?" She asked him. But we all knew it was too late. The guard merely looked up at her and smiled, murmering his last rights. "...an...angel...use the card...please...stop Edea...my password is Edea...just stop....it.."  
  
I cringed when he coughed hard, and blood drippled down the corners of his mouth. Quistis laid him down and stood ove rhis dead body, saluting him. Turning on her heel, she ran towards me and thrust the card into my hand, her face as cold as ice. Nodding, I jammed the card into the slot and typed up the password, setting the error ratio to the extreme, and fixing what those guards from above made a mess of. Irvine peered over my shoulder and humm'd and hah'd to himself, while Quistis kept watch, cracking her whip every once in a while. Groaning that I had finished, I slammed in a new pass word (just a randomg typing of the keyboard) and made sure they wouldn't stop this launch again.  
  
"Let's go!" I shouted, whooping for joy. Quistis smiled at me and Irvine grinned, leading us out of the base.  
  
We hit the parking lot early and I checked the time. Damn it, we had wasted fifteen minutes in there! We only had twenty five minutes to spare, and I figured it was easy sailing from then off. Shouting the time to my team mates, they nodded, and chased after me, and for once I felt victorious, like a leader. Pumping my fist in the air, I couldn't supress a smile and a shout of "BOOYAKA!!" and pumping my fist in the air. I wanted Irvine to shoot off a voctory bullet but we didn't have any time. Looking back I saw Quistis actually smiling, and pulling one lock of her hair behind her ear as she ran with me, beside me, and with Irvine, who was grinning from ear to ear.  
  
Soldiers were running from us, fast and furious. I shouted insults at them as they passed, hurrah'ing our intended victory. Quistis screamed and irvine shouted at me to pull back, but I ignored them instead screaming at the solders louder, above their ears, calling them every name in the book.  
  
Something close to white hot fire hit me in the back, and once again I was lashed out in blackness.  
  
I awoke to see a large monsterous robot explode, right before my eyes. Grumbling, I rubbed the back of my neck and pulled myself to my knees, crawling towards my exhausted team mates. Irvine was slouched low, supporting himself with his gun whiel Quistis was kneeling down, rubbing her forhead in pain. I noticed bruises welling up on her near perfect skin, and her clothes where tattered. Something told me that whatever hit me had to have hit her more times, somewhere along the double digit area. Laying a hand on her shoulder, I brought her tired face to my eyes and she spoke to me.  
  
"Selphie.. how long do we have?"  
  
My watch. I looked at it and my eyes went wide.  
  
"Damn it.. we've only got six minutes!"  
  
Quistis' face fell right there, and I looked around. Irvine was standing up, and casting Curaga on himself and then raised a hand to me and Quistis, doing the same. Stumbling to our feet, using eachother's body weight to support ourselves, we stumbled around the samll parking lot, looking for a way out. But the gates, they locked them, and the steal left us with only a view to the outside as the world around us started to crumble.  
  
'No..." I heard Quistis murmer. "We're trapped!"  
  
A sharp cry was heard, and Irvine and Quistis both looked at me, fear etched into their eyes. It was then I realized that the cry was made from my own throat. I looked at my watch and my eyes widened. Three minutes? How the hell did three minutes go by so fast?  
  
"Guys.." I whispered. My lips, I could feel them trembling. "We're...we're..."  
  
Quistis dropped her whip.   
  
Irvine dropped his gun.  
  
The end had come for us.  
  
I looked to the sky and heard Irvine mumble under his breath about being chosen for this mission, a discouraging remark about how Squall wanted this, never trusted him. Quistis said she never knew she was mediocre until this moment. The words made me angry. Here we are in our last moment talking about what failures we were? No! We were chosen for this becuase Squall entrusted us with this incredible mission, and even if we didn't do it right, I knew, in my heart that things would be just fine in the end. I turned to my friends and shouted at them.  
  
"Squall trusted us! We'll be alright! Now stop worrying!"  
  
They seemed to believe me, wiping at their faces. But they still looked at the floor, the doom that was upon us obviously not being taken away.   
  
I knew it then, as I looked down at my watch and counted down to the last minute. We had sixty seconds to live.  
  
Yet, for some reason, I didn't feel as if I was going to die. A strange urging came over me, like an adrenaline rush along with a long side of happiness mixed together in one glorious feeling that pulsed through my veins, seemingly taken over my bloodstream. I started to breath deeply, near the point of hyperventilating, and a smile creased my lips. The skies above us started exploding, and behind me Quistis and Irvine screamed and shouted, coming closer to me. My hands reached out to them, and I gripped them tightly in my palms. I didn't hear them gasp in pain, but I felt their wonder at my actions. I looked at my watch, the hand that was clasped in Quistis'.  
  
Thirty seconds.  
  
"Booyaka.." I whispered, and I knew they were confused by my actions. I didn't see us as dying for no reason. I saw us as dying for a cause we truely believed in. Only Quistis would understand, but I ddin't have time to explain it to her. We were dying for our home, our Garden, so that in the future things like this would never happen, that the SeeDs of the future will live longer then us, and won't have to sacrifice themselves this way.  
  
Letting go of Quistis' hand, I look down at my watch as the world seemingly uplifts from under our feet. Stepping forward, I stare at the minute hand.  
  
Ten seconds.  
  
I gaze into the darkening sky and smile. Behind me, Irvine collapses to his feet and moans, while I hear Quistis murmer to herself, in a serene voice.. "Squall...I never told you.."  
  
Five seconds.  
  
The sky blackens in almost an instant, and they scream. But I can only smile, and laugh at the the Hyne above me, the Hyne I will soon come face to face with. A Hyne I will fight to eternity with.  
  
A Hyne I speak my last words to through curved lips.  
  
Bring it on.  
  
Bring it on, baby.  
  
Bring it on.  
  
  
*****************************************************  
Not a very good one, I know.  
Credit to Fly for giving the idea. 


	7. What if...? Zell was never adopted?

WHAT IF...? Zell was never adopted?  
  
My head hurts. My face burns. I feel sore all over. Oh gee what could it be?  
  
Out partying again. Smart, Zell, real smart.   
  
Not like your anything, or anyone's problem for that matter. Sure, you can sit here and wonder how the hell you became like this, but you know the true answer for that piece of shit conflict. your a nobody, a loser, the last damned kid at the orphanage to leave. Not because anyone loves you, and decided to adopt you. But because at age twelve, you were a five foot nothing, a hundred pound nothing, scrap of leftovers that your parents didn't give a shit enough about to keep.   
  
Laying in this bed, I look to my side and see yet another example of my stinkin' beer banging. Bottles lines up next to one another, labels peeled and shoved down to the spitty bottom, along with a few packs worth of cigarettes that you smoked on up. Next to those are car keys. oh now I remember, I went out driving. I got a free weekend off from my job as a secretary clerk at the local factory in Dollet. A tidy job barely able to tide me over until I pay the rent on this charming infested rat hole with hot and cold running cockroaches. All I have to do is keep up a pretty face and smile at the customers and get them to buy stock in the company. But take it from me man, the place ain't worth shit. It's got more bugs and shit running around in it then my one bedroom apartment that I try to keep alive and upbeat looking enough to keep any social workers from telling me I have to go to some Hyne forsaken foster home.  
  
I left my last home three years ago, the Orphanage I mean. When I realized I was actually there just to keep myself busy and my mind off the truth, I went crazy inside. I mean, well look at the facts, jack. I was thirteen. I was a nothing. No one wanted Zell. Tch, I can't believe I got so jealous when those other kids got adopted. Well, only three did in fact. Four if you include Sis, but Idon't really. I mean, Sis was cool and all, but she was pretty much one of those people who annoy you to no end with her eternal goodness. It was gross.  
  
So, yeah, I was an orphan. So, yeah, no one loved me enough to adopt me. The name's Zell. Zell Dincht. It ain't my real last name, that information was lost a long time ago. I just saw it in the paper obituaries and smiled, liking the sound of it. So I made it my last name. Just gotta keep myself outta Balamb, where the REAL Dincht's live. Wouldn't it be nice to explain to them that I stole their last name from the dead people's page of the paper? Sure. Like they would want a scrawny orphan like me to hold their great name. And it is a great name. Don't argue with me on that.  
  
The orphanage is as clear as day to me. Sometimes I wanna catch a plane over there and give them a visit. See what new kids had parents who were too young and too stupid to take care of them. Also the select few who were TRUE orphans, the ones with no family left in the world. The ones like me. There were a few of those at that rickety stone house, beside me. Most of them were pretty damned cool too.  
  
I can remember Squall clearly. He was what I called the lone wolf of the pack. Always wanting to be alone, always gave us the silent treatment. It wasn't until when Sis came by did he actually open up. But only to her, not me, or the others. Sometimes I'd catch them late at night talking to one another secretly. Found out later that they had a secret code as well. Could never decipher it, it became more and more complicated as time went by. He had real dark hair and bright eyes, and sometimes I thought he was way more weird then I figured at first, but he never bothered anyone, so I didn't give a fuck. When Sis, or Ellone as her real name tells, was taken from the stone house, Squall clammed up again, resisting us all, even bossy little Quisty.  
  
Now THERE was a girl who was nuts! Quistis I mean. Man she was a bitch! Even at that young age, she deemed herself the mommy of everyone after Sis left, but mostly only to Squall, and sometimes Seifer. She was only about two years older then I was, so it kinda pissed me off when she thought she could tell me, us, what to do. She was a cutie I have to admit, with golden hair and dark blue eyes. But her additude and her constant bickering about keeping our rooms clean, be on time, don't do that, don't do this, chew your damned food twenty three times sucked all the beauty out of her. I think, if I ever saw her again I'd laugh and point out wrinkles she'd collect over the years. Of course, she'd have quite few by now, always frowning and giving me a dirty look when I misplaced her deck of triple triad cards. Whiny pain in the butt pinched me once too. The Matron sent her to bed early for a week when I came to her clinging to her skirts and cried.  
  
Another person I grew up with was Selphie. Hyne what an annoying sprite! I mean, geezus, how the hell can one even understand her? Every minute she was changing her feelings, her thoughts, her sides, the works, and she became so complicated I never actually got under her skin. That's a word that could describe her perfectly. Complex. She could be all scared of a tiny spider one moment, calling out for her knight in shining armor Irvine to squish it, but then be running out to the beach at high tide, buck naked to jump into the ocean and not feel like she' ever be taken away by the waves. And damned, she was TINY! Half the size of the rest of us, but with more spunk and fire to kill all of us if she ever caught a spark. That's why i secretly call her a sprite. She even had hair and eyes like one, honey brown hair flipped up at the ends and glittering green eyes, always full of mischief and delight. I remember crying to the Matron when she pushed me into the water, and she had to sit in the corner for three full hours. Afterwards, those eyes held nothing but pissed off contempt when they looked at me.  
  
I mentioned her knight in shining armor right? Irvine was that guy's name. Whatta cretin he was. Dude, he would hit on anything that moved! Yet he always stuck by Selphie like a rock to dirt, never moving, and she'd love it always. He was a reasonably big kid, tallest outta us all, but I guess he just liked his women short and his hair long since he constantly whined whenever the Matron wanted to cut his hair. He had great hair, I'll give him that, and a damned nice color. Most thing that scared me outta that loud mouth was his obsession with guns. He loved 'em, and always begged for a toy gun at Christmas or on his birthday. He had one massive collection under his belt and yet would never let any of us play with them So I would whine to the Matron of the orphanage and get to play with his guns for an hour and he would be chided for not sharing.   
  
And next, there's Seifer. That son of a bitch, he was cruel to us all. He was a lot like Squall, in a way, but if you ever told him that you'd get a black eye for sure. I know this from personal experience. Always calling us names, always calling me a cry baby, my blood still boils just thinking about it. Cwy baby Zell, he would always say. That little tormenting clause started when I caught them all on the beach lighting fire works after bed time, and soon he had almost everyone calling me that. No one dared tease him about the lisp he had, even though he'd find the faults in all of us and tease us about it. Most of the time he liked to be the leader, and have Quistis at his side. They went good together, since she was the one he almost never teased, probably because they were about the same age. With his pale blond hair and green eyes, he seemed like an angel whenever the Matron was around, so calm and quiet. But Hyne help us all when she left the room and we were trapped with him. It's been a long time since I've seen him, or heard about him, but still gotta say that if I ever see him again it'll be too fucking soon. I just might punch his damned lights out.   
  
Heh, I notice now that I think about it, maybe I was a cry baby and a tattle tale.   
  
Doesn't matter anymore. Not like I'd ever see them again.   
  
Right now, I'm going on sixteen but I feel like I'm sixty three. Past few years of my life were spent on the streets, looking for a job and begging for hand outs. When I made the mistake of asking a social worker for some cash to feed myself, she took me under her wing and tried to get me to go back to the orphanage. Instead, i started screaming at her and kicking up a ruckus until she just nodded and let me alone, giving me a few months to get my ass in shape and get a job, a place to stay as well. By some odd miracle of life I pulled it off, and here I am now. A clerk at a factory hat builds half the world's supply of boxes, making a little more then no money but surprising enough keeping myself in shape. At least I still have m looks. I can pass for twenty one, and my friend at the bar barely cards me. Only when he's got his boss watching his ass. If that's the case, he'll just give me the bird and make a show about how he doesn't serve drinks to minors, and then point me down the hall to the convenience store clerks who don't know how to card and they'll sell to me. I think I supported them with my drinking habit during their tough years.  
  
So here I am again. My face still hurts, my body's a mess, and I don't have work until tomorrow. Turning to my side, I see Elize, my fuck of the night at my side. Oh yeah, now I remember, bringing her home and having raunchy sex until midnight before we both passed out. Might as well head to the bathroom and see why my face is burning. With luck she'll wake up and leave. With out, well, I guess since I do feel like puking I'll stay in the bathroom until she does. After sex conversation is no good, especially with the loosest whore around who probably gave me an STD or something.   
  
Standing up, I groan low enough not to wake her, and pull on my boxer shorts, slowly, as I can feel the butterflies, wasps, and mosquitoes in my stomach start eating at the lining.. As I do that, I tilt my head and feel something totally unusual on my shoulder, and notice I have a huge bandage on my face. Fuck, just what did I do last night? I can barely remember anything. How much did I fucking drink any ways? I know for a fact that the three bottles lined up on my bed side table ain't all I drank. Swearing to myself when I tripped over a chair, I hustled my sorry ass to the toilet and let whatever I ate out then and there. Almost missed that time. Gotta be careful Zell. Leaning back, I let the last bits of nausea drift away, letting my head clear up. Not like I hadn't been in this position before.  
  
Lifting a hand to my face, I pulled off the bandage and looked at the contents inside, and notice it was coated with clear liquid and very little blood. Why would I have such a big bandage if it wasn't something that serious? Lifting myself to my feet, I leaned on the sink and spat into it, turning the water on and watched the saliva drizzle down the drain. My vision was clearing up, Iwasn't in some sort of box like movie anymore. Closing my eyes, I'm almost scared to look in the mirror, but convince myself that hey, there wasn't much blood so the scar can't be that big. Besides, all I gott do for work is just keep a pretty face.  
  
Opening my lids, my eyes widened in horror and I screamed at the criss crossing lightening that adorned me.  
  
Oh my fucking Hyne....  
  
What the Hell have I done to my face?!  
  
  
  
******************************************************************  
Sorry it's so short.   
Also, I have a challenge for those of you who have read this piece. I know some of you don't wanna visit the FF.net forum, so I'll explain it here.  
I would like to see these one shots continued on. If anyone has the time, can they pick a story from here and continue it? I'd love to see how a person's prospectives are and how they would like to see how in their eyes the stories in this title would continue. So, if you don't mind, try to nab one and write in your own perspective a second chapter to one of these things. I hope more then three readers will try it.  
Thank you! 


	8. 

What if...? Irvine didn't remember the orphanage?  
  
I raised my hand towards the heavens and grinned. Hyne, I wish I could stay like this forever. My body nullified in this quiet scenery, calming my senses beyond any notion. I can feel the grass beneath my body springing against my back, even through my over sized trench coat. I feel calm, secure in this position resting on my back instead of bending over backwards to please every Tom, Dick, or James. I don't wanna leave this place, ever, I whisper to myself as a serene butterfly lands on my extended arm, tickoing my finger tips with it's tiny legs. Whispering a praise on it's beauty, I hear my name being screamed by the one and only Martine, the principal of my school.  
  
"Kinneas! Irvine Kineas!"  
  
I ain't never gonna like the way my name sounds on his tongue.  
  
Pulling myself outta my funk, I lean over and pick up my gun. She's always been good to me, an' it's a rare time you find me with out her. She's been my loyal friend eve when the stakes are tough, and since I can't remember shit about who I was before I found her, she's been my only companion. Ever. No one else was ever there for me. Only I was there for me, an' I'd never change that for a million gil. Or a million women if that. Just havin' this pretty lady by my side each and every morning actually beats the usual late night screw with the town whore. Had quite a few rides on that bicycle and I gotta say, it ain't no fun anymore. I've rather taken in by Guardian Forces, or GF's to most. I knew exqactly the causes of using one of these things: Memory loss, vitality down a bit cause ya don't exactly excersise, but ya know? They work. They got power, and power is one of the things I like best.  
  
Turning on my heel, I eye Martine and walk down my peaceful hill. Loweing my head, I shoved my gun into my coat and stepped down my hill, giving each and every one of those SeeDs a look. Martine briefed me on them, giving me their names and telling me who they are and what my part in their plan was. Just shoot a lady. No problem, with me being the best damned sharpshooter in Galbadia Garden. Giving those SeeDs an eyeful, Martine drawled lazily in my ears as I studied each and every one of them.  
  
First, I took a chance to gaze at those gorgeous ladies. One of them wasn't too tall, barely edgeing five foot three, with long shiny dark hair and stunning dark eyes. Cheeks like a chipmunks but with a foxy chin, her body wasn't half bad as well. Nice rounded hips, and such nice long legs for a gal as short as she was, but seemed a bit confused as to how to react. Something told me if this gal was a SeeD, she had to have gotten by with either screwin' the teacher or dating the commander, caus eshe sure as hell didn't know even the simplest SeeD salute. Those pretty dark eyes wandered amongst the group next to her, and she tried to hide herself, but failed miserably. Wearing bright blue ain't gonna make ya stand out anymore then will it make ya stand in. Yet she tried her best, so I gotta give her that much. 'Sides, with her looks, I'm sure she could have gotten away standing there with a million gil worth of bazooka's in her hands, threatening to blow up Galbadia Garden.  
  
The next one was one hell of a looker, with honey blond hair and piercing blue eyes, I gotta say I did my damndest to try and not wolf whistle at her. Only because I knew her as the Instructor of Balamb Garden, Quistis Trepe. I'd heard from everyone around that she was a hot young thing, but hell, nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her. Everyhting I'd heard about her was right. A nice height, great body, incredible stature, she'd be perfect if she'd just smile a little. But no, as all Instructors are, she's a stiff hearted fool of a woman. Just a shame she stuffs that stiff interior into those nice, tight fitting clothes, or she could be the particle of many many wet dreams amongst all the males of the world.  
  
The last girl catchs my eye big time, more then the pretty brunette or the smashing blond do. She's a tiny little waif like thing, her face as bright and as sunny as the yellow dress she sports. Incredible green eyes, her face was a bit plain compared to the exotic and enticing looks of the other two girls, but I was drawn to this one like a moth to the flame. She was so damned adorable, cute and funny, all that I got by just the chemistry I felt. When I walked infront of her, her nose crinkled in a cute little grin that was trying to not escape a chuckle. With that her eyes glistened and I fell, hard, that moment for her, with out even knowing her name.   
  
"BANG!" I shouted at Martine's back. He turned around and gave me a dirty look before continueing on his path.  
  
I looked at the guys up and down. One of them had this strange tattoo crossing his face, and he seemed to snarl at me. Short litle twerp, with his hair all combed up in a style that reminded me of a chicken that got up on the wrong side of the bed and crowed at the moon. That tatoo though, made me wanna scream. Black lightening crossed the side of his face, making him seem sinister. Even the look on his face told me he was either constipated, or just plain didn't like the sight of me. He was a lot more muscular than any guy I knew at Galbadia, and obviously he used those muscles as he kept pumping the air around him, like he was swatting flies. I wondered if he was the surfer type, with his baggy pants and rolled up jackets. Maybe he was the tone who I heard a while back ago from Teenia, was t-boarding around Balamb Garden and took a wrong turn into the female bathroom? Nah.  
  
Last one in the line up was Squall Leonhart. Yeah, I definetely heard of this one. Headmaster Cid, whenever he came by, always talked about how bright this guy was. Him and another one I don't see here, but this guy sure as hell didn't look too bright to me. He looked to me like some dark brooding soul with too many cares in the world. His hair wasn't cut too well, his clothing was shabby, and leather pants with a leather jacket? What was he gonna do, ride a Hog into all Gardens across the Continent and make love and drink wine? Nah, this guy looked so strict and stuck up he made Quisits Trepe look like the same slut I screwed a week ago. Man, this guy needed to get laid.  
  
Smirking, I walked over towards him and introduced myself. "Irvine Kinneas, at your service."  
  
With only a glare and a nod of his head he turned on his heel and motioned for me to follow, along with everyone else. Shrugging, I did just that. No time to waste, I can hit on the pretty ladies later.  
  
We boarded a train and I made a beeline towards that cute little elf like girl. She was sitting by a window, staring out at it, standing a song only her ears could hear. Standing next to her, I sighed and watched in wonder as she was so shameless, not worried about anyone ever catching her like this. Pulling my hat off, I smiled down at her and spoke "Well what's your name lil' lady?"  
  
She gazed up at me with those big green eyes and grinned. "Selphie!"  
  
"Selphie, Selphie.. What a beautiful name. Roll's right off the tongue ya know."  
  
"Riiiiiiight." She flipped back her short brown hair and stared out the window again, continuing to hum to herself. I raised an eyebrow and turned, my back facing the window.  
  
"It must be fate, Selphie, for us to meet up like this." I said, trying to sound alluring. Apparently it wasn't working as she fixated a glare on me.  
  
"Right. WhatEVAH!" She chided. "You must be some big time ladies man."  
  
I snickered at that statement. Sure, I was called that a few times, but hey, I'm Irvine Kinneas. "Of course not, Selphie! You're the only one I could ever lay my eyes on."  
  
"Sure! Right." She said again, heavy on the sarcasm. Well, I guess I failed this conquest.   
  
Bidding her fare well, I left the compartment back towards the control room. If Selphie wasn't gonna give me any attention, I might as well get it with the two lovely ladies in here, right?  
  
It was a while before our train stopped. We entered Deiling, tried to speak with General Caraway about our antics and surprisingly enough he ended up being Rinoa's father. We had to go through a mission thing and on the way to the Tomb of the Unknown King, collect a few numbers, and head back, but we decided to venture on and investigate anyways. I collected a nice sum of magic and gained a level or two as well did the rest, but it was when we found the Brothers GF in their was when we had a hard time. But on the other hand we beat them and gained their aliance, and a few new abilities as well, and went on our merry way. Finally we got through and talked to the man, and planned out our stratagies. Squall and I (I woulda have preferred Selphie but beggers can't be choosers) would venture upwards towards the large tower and wait until the Sorceress was caught between the two gates. Find the Sniper Rifle that's up there and I get into gear. Sure. No problem.  
  
So we did what a sniper does best. We waited.   
  
It felt like years but was only twenty minutes when we climbed to the top tower, with me leading the way. Grunting and groaning, we pulled one another up until we reached the top ladder until we reached the platform where the sorceress was formally standing. My eyes went wide with shock as I cought a glimpse of the dead President Deling, his skin fried, and his body rancid. He obviously had been hit by an ice like lazer blast, so cold it burned him, and I had to cover my mouth when the smell hit my nostrils. Damned Sorceress. Why does her killing justify anything? Sure the President was a moron, but hey, this bitch is one bad seed.  
  
Looking around, I heard a noise, growling of some sort, and a scream. I could feel Squall's hear beat faster than anything as he whispered "Rinoa?!"  
  
So we took off towards the sounds, Squall shouting the girl in blue's name. When we got to her, we were too late it seemed as she was passed out infront of two very ugly lizard like creatures, just about to make her a snack. Cocking my girl into action, I stood tall and pointing at the one that was closest to Rinoa, and blew it's brains out. The blood spattered across the elegant walls, a mix of black and red crimson droplets. Smirking, I cocked my baby again and aimed one more time, but a flash of leather pushed me aside, and Squall made an upward slash at the other demon, cutting the thing in half and kicking it's body parts away from the fallen woman. Leaning down, he picked her unconcious form up and carried her past me, out of the room, and back to the floor panel where we were to drop down and cause another mass blood shed.   
  
Rinoa woke up right before we reached out point, and scrambled from Squall's arms. "Squall.. I was so scared.." She muttere,d her bottom lip trembling. He just nodded and pushed on, picking up the rifle and handing it to me.  
  
"Your move, Kinneas." He muttered, giving me an eye full. What an ass.  
  
"No problem for your's truely." I snidely remarked, edging myself closer to the window. "This bitch is goin' down."  
  
I watched the red lines of the clock hit twenty, and the gates come crashing down. The shocked face of the evil sorceress was candy to my eyes as I took aim and breathed deep, steadying my arms. For the briefest moment I hesitated, as she stared straight at me and I saw her full face. She seemed so familiar, but I couldn't place it. My finge ron the trigger, she looked away, at the crowd and snarled, waving her arms around. Just someone I probably passed on the street, I whispered in my mind. Closing my eyes, I steadied my grip.  
  
Pull. Bang.  
  
A figure fell but it wasn't her. I watched with horror as my body froze over when a young man, just my age fall into a heap at her feet, his white coat flailing out behind him. Gasping I look down and realize that a pool of blood is forming from just under neath his body, and I scream. He isn't moving.  
  
"SQUALL!" I shouted. I can hear his heavy foot steps come to me now.  
  
"Kinneas! What is it?!" He shouts in my ear. Whimpering I pointed down wards at the gruesome scene I created. The shouts of the crowds gets louder with each passing moment, and Squall gazes out of the opening and gasps.  
  
"Oh my God...Seifer.."  
  
"Seifer?" My lips say the word like a foreign object. Squall faces me with confusion in his eyes and nods. "Oh Hyne.." I cry out. "I..I missed.."  
  
Behind us Rinoa wails but we ignore her. Squall's arms yank me up from my slouched positioning and points towards teh angered Sorceress once more.  
  
"SHOOT KINNEAS!" He screams at me. I'm still trembling from shock. "For the love of Hyne, SHOOT!"  
  
Shaking fingers and all, I breathe deep and calm myself, aligning her in my sights once again.  
  
And for the last time that night....  
  
I shoot.  
  
+++++++++++++++++++++++++  
Geezus this one sucks! Great Idea (thanks to Rhyein. Go read and review her stuff! now!) but damn it.. I'm not the biggest Irvine fan!  
I used it like this: I believe Irvine didn't shoot sorceress Edea because he knew who she was. And she put up a sheild beause she could sense his thoughts on her. So if he didn't know who she was, and left no remark on it, then of course he'd shoot.  
And I killed Seifer! NO!!!!!  
Review plz :) Also, the challenge is still up for grabs! Just e-mail me or leave a review where you posted you 'Second Chapter' story to one of these What if's so I can kindly read it and review it with joy.  
Thanks! 


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